the view from my pedestal

Letter to Governor Herbert

2011-04-06T16:53:00.005-06:00

Please email Governor Herbert at gherbert@utah.gov

I have provided a template which you can use here.

Just cut and paste and fill in your own information

-------

Dear Governor Herbert,

I am writing to ask you to please reconsider your stance on Utah Senate bill SB314 sponsored by Sen. John Valentine R-Orem. This bill is damaging to the economy of the great state of Utah. It hurts local businesses' ability to attract customers by not allowing them the freedom to set prices at their discretion and goes against the logic and fabric of Utah being one of the most business friendly states in the country. Taking away an entire sector of business’s rights is counterintuitive and is bad for the state.

Furthermore the closure of Utah state liquor stores is again damaging to the people of Utah who use these services, the employees at these stores who would be put out of work, and the profit that these stores make that is funneled back into government services for its citizens. Every store that is threatening to be closed is very lucrative and very profitable and very widely used, meaning that their closures are destructive for both the government and its constituents.

I thank you for your time and ask that you reconsider your signing of this bill for the good of the state of Utah and its population.

Sincerely,

{name}

{address, optional}

{zip code, do include}

{phone number, optional}

communities + millennials

2011-01-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

Communities are defined by the people living in them. What those people do, where those people go, and who those people connect with. People want to meet others, be around people, and evolve with the other people in their community, no matter how alike or different they may be.

And so too do “we.” We are a blossoming community of young people who are exiting one phase of their life and entering into the next one. Millennials, Generation Y, Echoboomers, the Internet Generation. The nomenclature does not matter, but we are a budding group that is trying to define ourselves in our world, in our state, in our city, in our community.

We are a misperceived bunch, one not defined by the clichés that our parents’ generation uses to characterize us; a generation that might be under our parents’ wings longer than in previous times, but one that realizes that wing casts a huge shadow. We are a bunch going through a collective quarter-life crisis. We are not leeches, we do not expect handouts, but neither do we think we can simply pull ourselves up by our bootstraps--that doesn’t work. Our reality is different than the generations before it, not wrong, not with less wanting or longing for success or definition, but different.

We want to be part of a community and we are. We live here, we do stuff, we go places, we connect with people like us, and we connect people who are different from us. Embrace us, don’t disregard us. We exist, and in our own way we play a huge part in defining our community.

What do we expect from Kyle

2010-11-08T15:35:00.003-07:00

responding to a question from Salt Lake Tribune columnist, Kurt Kragthorpe (twitter.com/tribkurt) I wrote this utterly too long essay.

the Question: Whit apologized, saying fans deserve better. What do fans expect when they show up?

the Answer: Fans expect a showing. Going into the TCU game I was half expecting to win and half expecting to lose. A loss would have been acceptable but I am a lot more close to upset with the throttling we got was just unacceptable, especially at home especially when you have a crowd that fired up.

Kyle cannot stop people from dropping balls, or the quarterback missing throws, all of which happened. But Jordan Wynn is 19 and I found myself being more upset with the play calling than anything else. However, in the world where Kyle is the highest paid person in the state of Utah, the buck clearly stops with him. Kyle can do a few things: YELL AT RODERICK TO RUN THE BALL!

More importantly however, I think the ultimate problem is that Utah, under Kyle had not experienced a big game situation like this (the Sugar Bowl was entirely different for a lot of reasons). I think the four biggest factors in the Utes losing was College GameDay, the numbers 3 and 5, the camouflage jerseys, and TCU being really good. The fourth one, Kyle can't do anything about, so we'll focus on the first three. Basically what those three things boiled down to is pressure.

This was a pressure filled game that, on Saturday, Utah had no business being in, what I expect from Kyle is to be able for his guys to handle pressure. And this pressure game is only the beginning. If Utah is playing for a Rose Bowl birth, Pac 12 championship, or [only peeing my pants slightly] a trip to the national championship, the pressure will be 572358x more than it was for a Mountain West game in the middle of the season, that happened to have an ESPN show beforehand.

Long answer: above. Short answer: handle pressure better than you did.

However, there is hope. Since, as I mentioned, this is Utah's first game of such magnitude (again, Sugar Bowl entirely different) Kyle knows what he did wrong [he better] and he now knows what that pressure feels like, for him, hius staff, and his players. Every coach needs to learn, and I feel as though this is Kyle's learning experience. If he didn't learn, then the Pac 12 experiment will be scary, if he does, based on his talent as a coach, and the talent of the players he can recruit, the sky could be the limit.

NFL Picks

2010-09-09T13:50:00.002-06:00

I know very little about the NFL. But here are my picks in case I am right:

NFC West

49ers*

NFC South

Saints

NFC North

Packers*

NFC East

Cowboys

NFC Wild Card

Vikings

Falcons

AFC West

Chargers*

AFC South

Colts*

AFC North

Ravens

AFC East

Jets

AFC Wild Card

Titans

Patriots

NFC Playoffs

Round 1

Falcons over Cowboys

Saints over Vikings

Round 2

Packers over Falcons

49ers over Saints

Round 3

Packers over 49ers

AFC Playoffs

Round 1

Titans over Jets

Ravens over Patriots

Round 2

Colts over Titans

Ravens over Chargers

Round 3

Colts over Ravens

Super Bowl

Colts over Packers

Meat and me [and everyone and everything else]

2009-12-23T15:25:00.002-07:00

This is a repost of a previous essay with revisions and additions

Meat and me [and everyone and everything else]

I would like to think I have some sort of moral compass. I would like to think that I care about animals and animal rights. I can say that I am appalled by the videos on the PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) website. The videos make me nearly throw up; looking at the inside of slaughterhouses or any industrial farm is horrendous. But I eat meat, and I do not know if I really plan to stop. Is my moral compass wrong? Am I inflicting unthinkable pain on the animal? Is there a middle ground that we can walk that includes eating meat and not torturing animals?

To really get to the root of any sort of middle ground, we need to start with the animals themselves. It is generally assumed that animals feel some sort of pain. There is not actually much evidence that they do not. They have similar nervous systems and although there is no way to actually figure out how an animal feels pain, we can work under the assumption that they do. This leads us to the inevitable conclusion that killing an animal for meat causes the animal to experience pain and that, on some level, is just not okay.

So while animals do feel pain, do they suffer? Where is this line drawn? Can an animal know suffering? This is where the line gets more and more blurry. Are these same animals that are incapable of higher thought or moral affectations actually suffering? One problem is the definition of suffering. Is suffering just a lot of pain? Or is suffering something beyond pain? Is it something more cognitive? If I stub my toe, it hurts, but if my friend is dying, I am in more pain than a thousand stubbed toes. Is that animal in the slaughterhouse going through a series of stubbed toes or a friend dying? The other [major] problem is that it is an unanswerable question. To my knowledge, no human speaks cow. So physiological experiences are all we have as a gauge into the mind of an animal.

This very question has caused an entire animal rights movement whose goal is to equalize the rights of animals to be like those of humans. But really, how does one equate a human and a lesser animal? On the surface they are not equal. Chickens do not philosophize. Cows do not ponder their existence. Goats do not have moral compasses. The animal world does not have its own moral compass; there are no “rights” in the animal world. A wolf does not care that the deer it kills has a baby. The wolf is just hungry. The wolf does not vote on which deer it is all right to kill, it just does it. If a wolf can kill an animal, why can’t I?

The argument for animal rights has many different forms, and one of the strongest is leveled from an entirely utilitarian point of view. Peter Singer, a noted utilitarian philosopher and author, has a particularly concise logic for not eating meat. He says that “equality is a moral idea, not an assertion of fact.” His basic claim is that animal rights activists do not want equal treatment, just equal consideration in the best interest of everybody and everything. The argument is that a cow does not want to sit on the couch and watch television the same way I do not want to hang out in a pasture and chew cud all day. The logic behind this is hard to pull apart. If we eat animals, shouldn’t we eat people too? If we don’t eat people, shouldn’t we not eat meat? The argument there comes back to the moral considerations. Michael Pollan points out that the reason we would forego meat is the same reason why we have some sort of moral difference from animals. But as Pollan himself points out, this runs into its own set of problems; people with severe mental disabilities or infants are awarded rights even though they can make no moral distinctions. How do we justify not killing them but in turn justify killing animals that are on the same level of mental capacity as the disabled person?

The buzzword this conversation creates is “speciesist” and that is a word Pollan finds hard to shake. I agree. It is hard to shake. If you are going to eat meat, you have to agree that you are on some level better than those in the animal world. But being a speciesist does not justify those PETA videos. Do we stop eating meat on the grounds that the practices are not humane or that the idea is not? The practices are indeed inhumane. I am hard pressed to find a way in which they are not. In the world of capitalism, in which we are firmly rooted, the incentive to make money outweighs the incentive to humanely treat animals; and agribusiness is born. But we like capitalism and we have been living in a world of deregulation for some time. The entire American dream is rooted in the ability to at least have a chance to make money. So why can’t agribusiness make money by taking advantage of animals?

There is an interesting parallel here. Back in the early days of industrialism factory workers were being mistreated, so unions were formed, government stepped in and worker’s rights were born. So could this happen with animals? Maybe. There are some road blocks to this, however. First of all, cows do not speak any human languages, so someone has to speak on their behalf. This is already being done by plenty of people, like Singer and like PETA. But people are going to still eat meat. Their call (for the most part) is to stop eating meat entirely. I, for one, am probably not going to stop for the moral reasons or even more logical ones that a utilitarian perspective presents. What should we do?

But is moral justification the only argument against eating meat? As it turns out there are much more practical, though less philosophical reasons for not eating meat. The power point slide you missed in Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth” was that the meat industry causes just as much greenhouse gas as the transportation industry does. A 2006 study done by the United Nations concluded that the meat industry was in the top two or three worst contributors to creation of greenhouse gasses. The next logical question would be to ask how exactly eating a steak causes greenhouse gasses? The problem is the farts and burps of the animals being raised. No, seriously. Farts and burps are pockets of gas that the body does not want, so it releases them in the best (and funniest) way it knows how, through farting and burping. A primary gas that is released through this process is methane, which is a greenhouse gas. Humans have one stomach, but a cow has four, as does a sheep. This leads to more farts and burps, which in turn help contribute to global warming. This is compounded by the fact that agribusiness cows, specifically, do not eat a proper cow diet. Cows do not eat corn, as they do not digest it well, but corn is cheap (cough*subsidized), so corn is fed to the cows. An unnatural diet complicates their digestive systems and in turn increases the fart and burp problem. To put it into perspective, eating one pound of meat is equivalent to driving a sport utility vehicle 40 miles.

Greenhouse gasses are just the tip of the iceberg. Meat eating is by far just as destructive to the actual physical land itself. Grazing cows hurts the land – it is aggression on the land itself. Basically, when the land is used up the animals have to go somewhere else and graze that land and so on. It is damaging to indigenous species that occupy the grazed land. This need for new land causes forests to be cleared, which is [obviously] bad for the forests and the species that live there, especially in unique and diverse areas such as the tropical rainforests, which are being demolished at an alarmingly fast rate. Entire species can be [are being] wiped out just to make room for animals to graze. This does not even count all the land that is used to grow the food for the animals to eat. Massive tracts of land grow food just for animal consumption.

Basically, we put way more energy into the raising of animals than we get out of raising those animals. However that isn’t even the end of it. Since the animals are fed so much and so aggressively they in turn process that and it turns into excrement; they poop it out. This overload of fecal matter has to go somewhere. To dispose of the feces, for the most part, one of two things is usually done. One: it sits there or two: (a saving grace, sort of) it is used as manure for crops. The recycling seems reasonable but both strategies result in massive amounts of runoff that pollute waterways. According to the Environmental Protection Agency factory farms pollute waterways more than all other industrial sources combined.

But this meat onion has one more layer. Transportation. The meat that caused all the aforementioned problems has to get to my plate and that comes from widely dispersed geographical regions. The travelling meat uses fuel to get to all the various stores and restaurants. A simple example: the average 18 wheeler gets about 6 miles per gallon and has a tank of about 240 gallons. The current (November 18, 2009) average price of diesel fuel in the United States is $2.79/gallon. Texas is the largest exporter of beef cattle in the country. To travel from Fort Worth, Texas to Salt Lake City, Utah driving is 1243.53 miles. If we do a little math we basically figure out that an average 18 wheel semi-truck can get to Salt Lake from cow country on one tank of gas, but that one tank of gas costs almost $3500. And that doesn’t count the expense of the driver, the wear on the car, or the trip back for more.

Delving into this meat quandary even further we get to something a little more personal: the actual human health problems of overconsumption of meat, especially red meat. There is a laundry list of studies that show the problems with overconsumption of red meat. The problems range from particularly credible ones like cardiovascular health to less plausible ones like Alzheimer’s disease. The most comprehensive study was done by a group of scientists from several institutions including the National Cancer Institute and the University of North Carolina and studied over 500,000 people. The most dramatic conclusion from the study was that over a 10 year period, the people who consumed the most red meat had about a 30% greater chance of dying than those who ate the least amount of meat over that time period – this was mostly due to cardiovascular disease and cancer. That is not the only side of the health coin, though. The same study showed lowered mortality risk for people who ate more white meat (chicken, turkey) than those who ate less white meat. This seems reasonable but the white meat industrial farms are run just as inhumanely and produce comparable amounts of waste.

It seems reasonable to assume from a thinking person’s perspective that the inhumane treatment of animals is just plain unacceptable. No matter how much you champion capitalism, it does not seem reasonable to put animals in an industrial setting. This causes problems for and from the animal, for the environment, and even maybe the health of the person eating it. As a general bedrock of “solutions” to this problem, the industrial farm needs to be changed. There are a few stepping stones [boulders] to overcome for this to actually happen, though, which makes this problem seem so ominous.

The best way to effectively control this would be through regulation. But since agribusiness is one of the largest lobbies in the United States there is very little regulation and that lobby is probably not going away. The other problem with the regulation of agribusiness and industrial farming is that it would spike up the cost of meat at least significantly and probably dramatically. People like five dollar steaks more than they like 25 dollar steaks, totally unaware of the uglier side of the industry that keeps that steak price down.

Where does that leave us? We, in a nutshell, fundamentally need to change how we eat. Totally not eating meat is not really an option for most people. But eating less meat really ought to be. Eating better meat ought to be. Eating more of our meat and eating meat that is produced closer to home ought to be. But, how do we do that? How do we get to some sort of happy medium or at least a not-awful one? I think to really get to this position we have to look at three key groups. The three most important groups to advocate change in this awful cycle are PETA, sustainable farmers, and foodies.

“Foodies” is a broad term for people who are really into food at a variety of different levels, whether growing, cooking, eating, writing, blogging, or talking. They [we] are just plain and simple really into food. In this foodie movement there are huge emphases being placed on sustainability and humanity. Foodies are the thought leaders of food, the early adopters. And their championing sustainable and ethical meat is a good start for the hordes that follow them.

This grassroots [grass-fed] movement has already begun. Recently, noted celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck spoke out against foie gras, the liver of goose because of the inhumanity of force-feeding the geese to fatten up their livers. Chris Cosentino, a chef in central California operates an educational tool about offal, the insides and not traditionally used parts of the animal, like the intestines, to maximize the use out of the animal. Rick Moonen, a chef in Las Vegas, is deeply rooted in the sustainable seafood movement. The best restaurants all over the country are using only organic and humanely raised and predominantly local meat.

People at the forefront of the culinary industry are championing organic ingredients and many of them are championing local ingredients. Although there is a certain politicization to the entire movement, the food actually tastes better. It is better for you because it does not have the toxins amd antibiotics that are inherent in the industrial farm meat. And even though the food is more expensive, this serves as a subtle benefit because it actually curbs your overall consumption of meat, which is a good thing for your health at the personal level, and for the environment at a macro level.

The local, organic food eating movement has gone hand in hand with the local, organic food producing movement. These farms use the land and the animals in a much more natural way. Polyface Farm in Virginia is one noted site where the animals live in harmony with one another and with the humans raising them. They eat the diet they want to eat, and they are humanely slaughtered in an open place, not on a closed off cold factory floor. The farm has guiding principles that focus the farm towards openness and the health of the land and the health of the animals, which in turn makes better food. The success of farms and farmers gives hope to this working at some sort of mainstream level. The more pressure these farms are able to put on the industrial farm, the better.

And this brings us back to our friends at PETA. As abhorrent as they find the meat industry, they serve a valuable purpose in the re-humanizing of meat eating. The role they play is to continually bring to the public eye the inhumanity that plagues the industrial farm industry. PETA and groups like it need to be the unions the animals cannot really have themselves. They need to get the word out as much as possible and continue to disgust people. Humans are unique in this fact: they can get disgusted. They do have some sort of affinity for animals and the sooner they get disgusted the sooner they will realize the effects of the meat industry on so many areas of the world, and on themselves, and in that realization will see that real, large scale change is possible. So maybe it is good that I watched those videos after all.

Things I hate that everyone likes Volume I: Where the Wild Things Are

2009-10-16T16:48:00.001-06:00

Where the Wild Things Are is a 1963 book written by Maurice Sendak. Basically, the book is a picture book about a boy named Max who gets in trouble and has to go to bed without supper. While in his bedroom, he imagines going to a world of strange and ugly creatures and he becomes their leader and then gets homesick and comes back to his room. Recently, it was optioned for a movie, putting this story on the big screen. The book is beloved by everyone.

Let me posit this: MOST OVERRATED BOOK EVER. I know this is sacrilege amongst almost everyone but it sucks. Okay, it doesn’t suck, it just really is overrated. Let me explain, it is not that the book itself is bad. What bothers me is just how much everyone loves it. And it’s not just that they love it, it’s that they fucking love it. People waited in hours in line for the movie premier of a book that has 10 sentences in it. I was at a party the other day where someone was getting a fucking tattoo of Max and the Wild things on his arm. It’s not even that, it’s that everyone was into it. They thought it was cool. Fuck. I need to go punch a wall now.

when it's grey outside

2009-10-14T16:16:00.004-06:00

trees aren't as vibrant when it's grey outside

they blend in with power lines, with stoplights, with street signs

the western mountains are lost in hazy clouds and smog

this landscape would be deafening if it weren't so muted

the wind picks up to scatter dust and leaves and memories and newspaper over the beaten down cement

footsteps are harder to discern, harder to remember, harder to acknowledge when the wind blows

sounds echo more loudly in the wind when it's grey outside

they are just harder to understand

Good Idea/Bad Idea Edition 1 - Masturbating at work.

2009-10-02T14:37:00.002-06:00

Introducing a new feature called Good Idea/Bad Idea where we break down certain situations that could be a good idea or could be bad idea and ultimately come to a decision about whether it is a good idea or a bad one.

Edition 1: Masturbating at work.

Masturbating is almost always a good idea but you may want to reconsider if you are at work. First off there are logistical concerns. The IT department most certainly would have red flags if you were looking at porn on your computer and magazines are hard to subtly sneak in. Private bathrooms clearly would be the best location but most people do not have access to one and public bathrooms certainly do not provide you with proper privacy. Your office is far too risky because coworkers are certain to need something and closed doors are suspicious. Janitors closets have limited access and all other areas are much too public.

Further red flags include the fact that if you were to get caught you would most certainly run into problems. If a coworker catches you, several things could happen including: them telling the boss, them losing all respect for you, awkwardness in further interaction, possible loss of job, and (or) possible lawsuits. There are similar results should your boss catch you but there is a certainty of a reprimand of some sort.

While it may seem tempting to masturbate at work, the risks ultimately outweigh the payoff and you should not masturbate at work.

Verdict: Bad Idea

Pros: thrill of getting caught could be turn on, you’re masturbating

Cons: could get caught, un-ideal setting, logistical concerns, possible loss of job, possible lawsuits

Trip to the Olive Garden

2009-09-16T01:03:00.000-06:00

I am an eater. A good one. I like eating. I love eating. More than you, in fact. I am a foodie. At least a self described one. Food is what I enjoy. I eat out too much, but they are at least at good restaurants. I cook every once in a while too. And I am even sort of good at that. I would cook more if I didn’t hate my kitchen. It’s too small. And it has electric burners. Worthless. Why am I going to Olive Garden then? Salad and Breadsticks. And irony. Well those and it was Sunday night in Salt Lake City. Not much is open on Sunday night in Salt Lake City. I had a partner. Amanda. She was like me. So we together ventured towards the downtown Olive Garden, we opened the door and uncomfort smacked us across the face.

The inside of Olive Garden looks like a movie set of what Italy looks like in campy 70s films. You don’t have to sell me on the fact that I am being whisked to Italy. I know that I am not. A few steps in: “Welcome to the Olive Garden!” Used car salesmen think Olive Garden employees come on too strong. They greet us as if they care that we are here. Foot off the gas pedal slick, we get we’re at the Olive Garden. In terms of jobs people hate, Olive Garden is a lock for the top ten. Stop pretending you like this. I know that you don’t. “Is it just the two of you tonight?” “Yes.” “Okay well there is about a 10 minute wait.” Fuck. Not only am I at the Olive Garden, ironically, but there is a wait. “But if you’d like to sit in the café you’re more than welcome; same service, same menu. “Yeah that should be fine.” “Okay, help yourselves to a seat.”

Position paper on the effects of the industrial revolution on philanthropy in the arts, music, and education.

2009-09-10T15:57:00.005-06:00

It helped.

A Collection of Funny Tweets

2009-07-09T14:37:00.004-06:00

A collection of funny 140 character notes from my Twitter

Which is worse? Impaling your foot with a nail or watching Glenn Beck? Vegas has it at pick 'em.
Scene of the Day: Girl in class awkwardly smelling her bag and getting the "just smelled dog shit face"
Eating salad with a spoon is as fruitless as it sounds.
Scene of the Day: Grown up guy actually playing with animal crackers.
Memo to bald guys: I know it is sunny and you don't want to burn your head, but please for the love of god don't wear baseball caps.
You really have to watch CNBC to realize how awful it is.
Look I voted for Obama too, but c'mon he won, the bumper sticker can go.
So if you cheat on your girlfriend in Venice does she get to throw all of your shit out the window into the canals?
I always feel like a real man when I go to Jiffy Lube to get my oil changed.
Scene of the Day: "just4mom" vanity plates on a 1986 Pontiac Grand Prix.
"What does a chlamydia look like?" -bus billboard
Twitter can trash a kid's brain; talk to your kids about twittering; parents the anti-Twitter
What's more unbelievable? The plot of the Da Vinci Code or that Tom Hanks is a Harvard professor?
Alfred Molina: bigger sellout in the Da Vinci Code or Spiderman 2?
Tom Hanks, critically acclaimed actor of Philadelphia, Forest Gump, Castaway, and uhhhh the Da Vinci Code?
No guys Tom Hanks didn't mail in his performance in the Da Vinci Code, he UPSed it.
Ron Howard, visionary director of such films as Apollo 13, A Beautiful Mind, Frost/Nixon and um, well, uhh the Da Vinci Code.
Has any actor gotten more cheap mileage out of one word than Ian McKellen and the word "pass"?
If Tom Hanks UPSed his performance in The Da Vinci Code, Ian McKellen for sure used FedEx
A 10 gallon hat seems a little big, what about a 6 gallon?
Just what I wanted. An uncomfortable quasi ad hoc office party...with rootbear!
Is anyone else concerned about the family? What is Tito supposed to do without a brother to piggy back on.
I think for once I am going to achieve before I believe.
When are the Michael Jackson tribute specials going to get old? My vote: day before yesterday.
Romantic date at Olive Garden.
Just finished my trip to the Olive Garden, filling my quota for the year.
I think the Olive Garden employees should come on a little stronger.
Just watched Defiance; to recap James Bond and Sabretooth are defiant Jews in Eastern Europe and are dramatic about it.
Does anyone realize that John Travolta has been in three obnoxiously iconic movie dance scenes? That is unprecedented.
Marty has got to be the most underrated character in Grease - pretty hot, less cheesey, not much baggage.
Do you think moose are pissed that Abercrombie is giving them a bad name?
I prefer apathy to whatever the opposite of apathy is.
Nothing more interesting than hearing NBC reporters break down the Jackson funeral.
I take it back, interviewing random people on the street after the funeral is WAY more interesting.
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite Christmas song? Lil’ Drummer Boy
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite mid 90s sitcom? Boy Meets World
Who Michael Jackson’s favorite on-air celebrity chef? Julia Child
What is Michael Jackson’s favorite consignment store? Kid to Kid
Insert your own question about masturbation? Beat it!
If my jokes weren't in bad taste, you would eat them.

Ed Hardy vs. Trucker Hats, a discussion

2009-06-17T13:30:00.000-06:00

DISCLAIMER: If you like Ed Hardy, please do not read this post. If you are offended by the word douche bag, please do not read this post. If you are a douche bag, please do not read this post. You have been warned.

The following is an exchange via Facebook between myself and a Mr. Hema Tapa. The initial discussion was generated by me positing the rhetorical question of why Ed Hardy trucker hats continue to exist. After some initial banter about the overall ugliness of Ed Hardy as a brand and the douche bags who wear it, another question was posed:

Christian: My question is did Ed Hardy make trucker hats more douchey or did trucker hats make Ed Hardy more douchey? It's like the chicken and the egg.

Hema: No it's not. It was definitely Ed Hardy making the hat more douchey. Ed hardy is a bane on the existence of the planet and the people who wear his stuff are guys who need to be castrated.

Christian: I like your point but I might go the other direction, trucker hats were douchey before Ed Hardy got to them. I mean the "Jesus is my homeboy" hats were incredibly douchey. This is what makes the argument so complex.

Hema: I think you are misunderstanding the subtle complexities between two things: douchey and trashy. They are very similar but also quite different.

Christian: I might argue that there are different types of douche bags. perhaps like they categorize meat. USDA Choice, USDA Prime, etc. I understand the trashy perspective, but I don't know if you can argue that the guy with the skinny jeans and Jason Mraz nerd t-shirt and trucker hat is not a douche.

Hema: I would not say dude is NOT a douche bag. I would however, question your ability to tell me he is also not trashy. I feel Ed Hardy is trashy. Not trashy in a white trash sort of way but in a ugly as hell sort of way. One who wears such things are most certainly a douche for just buying it. "Jesus is my homeboy" is just trashy though. So while Ed Hardy hats (or anything Ed Hardy for that matter) are 100% douchey the trucker hat, depending on what is on them are also very trashy in and of themselves. "My other ride is your mom" being one of the best examples.

Hema: I submit that douchey is a guy who thinks he is cool for wearing/buying/having very visually offensive clothing just because he is told they are cool. Trashy is wearing something with a picture or a tag line you wouldn't say or do in front of your grandmother. So while all things trashy are douchey, not all douchey things are trashy. Or we could just go with all douche bags are trashy and run with that.

Meat and Me

2009-06-04T00:55:00.000-06:00

I would like to think I have some sort of moral compass. I would like to think that I care about animals and animal rights. I can say that I am abhorred by the videos on the PETA website. The videos make me nearly throw up; looking at the inside of slaughterhouses or any industrial farm is appalling. But I eat meat, and I do not know if I really plan to stop. Is my moral compass wrong? Am I inflicting unthinkable pain on the animal? Is there a middle ground that we can walk that includes eating meat and not torturing animals?

To really understand any sort of middle ground, we need to address the animals themselves. Just as a basis it is generally assumed that animals feel some sort of pain. There is not actually much evidence that they do not. They have similar nervous systems and although there is no way to actually figure out how an animal feels pain, we can work under the assumption that they do. This leads us to the inevitable conclusion that killing an animal for meat causes the animal to experience pain and that, on some level, is just not okay.

So while animals do feel pain, do they suffer? Where is this line drawn? Can an animal know suffering? This is where the line gets more and more blurry. Are these same animals that are incapable of higher thought or moral affectations actually suffering? One problem is the definition of suffering. Is suffering just a lot of pain? Or is suffering something beyond pain? Is it something more cognitive? If I stub my toe, it hurts, but if my friend is dying, I am in more pain than 100 stubbed toes. Is that animal in the slaughterhouse going through a series of stubbed toes or a friend dying? The other [major] problem is that it is an unanswerable question. To my knowledge, no human speaks cow or pig or sheep. So physiological experiences and responses are all we have as a gauge into the mind of an animal.

The argument for animal rights has many different forms, and one of the strongest is leveled from an entirely utilitarian point of view. Peter Singer, a noted utilitarian philosopher and author has a particularly concise logic to not eating meat. He says that “equality is a moral idea, not an assertion of fact.” His basic claim is that animal rights activists do not want equal treatment, just equal consideration in the best interest of everybody and everything. The argument is that a cow does not want to sit on the couch and watch television the same way I do not want to hang out in a pasture and chew cud all day. The logic behind this is hard to pull apart. If we eat animals, shouldn’t we eat people too? If we don’t eat people, shouldn’t we not eat meat? The argument there comes back to the moral considerations. Michael Pollan points out that the reason we would forego meat is the same reason why we have some sort of moral difference from animals. But, as Pollan himself points out, this runs into its own set of problems; people with severe mental disabilities or infants are awarded rights even though they can make no moral distinctions. How do we justify not killing them but in turn justify killing animals that are on the same level of mental capacity as the disabled person?

The buzzword that this creates is “speciesist” and that is a word Pollan finds hard to shake. I agree. It is hard to shake. If you are going to eat meat, you have to agree that you are better than those in the animal world. But being a speciesist does not justify those PETA videos. Do we stop eating meat on the grounds that the practices are not humane or that the idea is not? The practices are indeed inhumane. I am hard pressed to find a way in which they are not. In the world of capitalism, where we are firmly rooted, the incentive to make money outweighs the incentive to humanely treat animals; and agribusiness is born. But we like capitalism and we have been living in a world of deregulation for some time. The entire American dream is rooted in the ability to at least have a chance to make money. So if we are indeed better than the animals, why can’t agribusiness make money by taking advantage of animals?

There is an interesting parallel here. Back in the early days of industrialism factory workers were being mistreated, so unions were formed, government stepped in and worker’s rights were born. So could this happen with animals? Probably. There are some road blocks to this, however. First of all, cows do not speak English, so someone has to speak on their behalf. This is already being done by plenty of people, like Singer and like PETA. But people are going to still eat meat. Their call (for the most part) is to stop eating meat. I, for one, am probably not going to stop for the moral reasons or even more logical ones that a utilitarian perspective presents. What should we do?

Is moral justification the only argument against eating meat? As it turns out there are much more practical, though less philosophical reasons for not eating meat. The power point slide you missed in Al Gore’s “An Inconvenient Truth"was that the meat industry causes just as much greenhouse gas as the transportation industry does. A 2006 study done by the United Nations concluded that the meat industry was in the top two or three worst contributors to greenhouse gasses. The next logical question would be to ask how exactly eating a steak causes greenhouse gasses? The problem is the farts and burps of the animals being raised. No, seriously. Farts and burps are pockets of gas that the body does not want, so it releases them in the best (and funniest) way it knows how, through farting and burping. A primary gas that is released through this process is methane, which is a greenhouse gas. Humans have one stomach, but a cow has four, as does a sheep. This leads to more farts and burps, which in turn help contribute to global warming. This is compounded by the fact that agribusiness cows, specifically, do not eat a proper cow diet. Cows do not naturally eat corn, as they do not digest it well, but corn is cheap, so corn is fed to the cows. An unnatural diet complicates their digestive systems and in turn increases the fart and burp problem. To put it into perspective, eating one pound of meat is equivalent to driving a sport utility vehicle 40 miles.

Greenhouse gasses are just the tip of the iceberg. Meat eating is by far just as aggressive on the actual land itself. Grazing cows hurts the land – it is aggression on the land itself. Basically, when the land is used up the animals have to go somewhere else and graze that land and so on. It is damaging to indigenous species that occupy the grazed land. This need for new land causes forests to be cleared, which is clearly bad for the forests and the species that live there, especially in unique and diverse areas such as the tropical rainforests, which are being demolished at an alarming (read: disgusting) rate. Entire species can be wiped out just to make room for the animals to graze. This does not even count all the land that is used to grow the food for the animals to eat. Massive tracts of land grow food just for animal consumption.

All in all somewhere around 80% of the agricultural land in the United States is used for animals. This number becomes even more staggering when you consider the actual output. The high output land is being used for relatively low output animals. 70% of the land used to grow grains, for example, is used to feed animals. These animals do not give us 70% of our diet; compounding that, the eating of meat is a one-time shot. You only get to eat the same cow one time. If that wasn’t bad enough, only the best cuts of meat are used. The less desirable parts are processed into less than desirable products (e.g. hot dogs) using even more resources. Basically we put way more energy into the raising of animals than we get out of raising those animals. However that isn’t even the end of it. Since the animals are fed so much and so aggressively they in turn process that and it turns into excrement; they poop it out. This overload of fecal matter has to go somewhere. To dispose of the feces, for the most part, one of two things is usually done, one: it sits there or two: (a saving grace, sort of) it is used as manure for crops. The recycling seems reasonable but both strategies result in massive amounts of runoff that pollute waterways. According to the Environmental Protection Agency factory farms pollute waterways more than all other industrial sources combined . But this meat onion has one more layer. Transportation. The meat that caused all the aforementioned problems has to get to my plate and that comes from a widely dispersed geographical region. The travelling meat uses fuel to get to all the various stores or restaurants.

Delving into this meat quandary even further we get to something a little more personal: the actual human health problems of overconsumption of meat, especially red meat. There is a laundry list of studies that show the problems with overconsumption of red meat. The problems range from particularly credible ones like cardiovascular health to less credible ones like Alzheimer’s disease. The most comprehensive study was done by a group of scientists from several institutions including the National Cancer Institute and the University of North Carolina and studied over 500,000 people. The most glaring conclusion from the study was that over a 10 year period, the people who consumed the most red meat had about a 30% greater chance of dying than those who ate the least amount of meat over that time period – this was mostly due to cardiovascular disease and cancer. That is not the only side of the health coin, though. The same study showed lowered mortality risk for people who ate more white meat (chicken, turkey) than those who ate less white meat. This seems reasonable but the white meat industrial farms are run just as inhumanely and produce comparable amounts of waste.

It seems reasonable to assume from a thinking person’s perspective that the inhumane treatment of animals is just plain unacceptable. No matter how much you champion capitalism, it does not seem reasonable to put animals in an industrial setting. This causes problems for and from the animal, for the environment, and even maybe (probably) the health of the person eating it. As a general bedrock of “solutions” to this problem, the industrial farm needs to be changed. There are a few stepping stones (boulders) to overcome for this to actually happen, though, which makes this problem seem so ominous.

The best way to effectively control this would be through regulation. But since agribusiness is one of the largest lobbies in the United States there is very little regulation and that lobby is not going away. The other problem with the regulation of agribusiness and industrial farming is that it would spike up the cost of meat at least significantly and probably dramatically. People like five dollar steaks more than they like 25 dollar steaks, they are totally unaware of the uglier side of the industry and that keeps that steak price down.

Where does that leave us? We fundamentally need to change how we eat. Totally not eating meat is not really an option for most people. But eating less meat really ought to be. Eating better meat ought to be. Eating more of our meat and eating meat that is closer to home ought to be. To really get to this position we have to look at three key groups.

The three most important groups to advocate change in this bad cycle are PETA, sustainable farmers, and foodies. “Foodies” is a broad term for people who are really into food at a variety of different levels. In this foodie movement there are huge emphases being placed on sustainability and humanity. Recently, noted celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck came out against foie gras, the liver of goose because of the inhumanity of force-feeding the geese to fatten up their livers. Chris Cosentino, a chef in central California operates an educational tool about offal, the insides and not traditionally used parts of the animal, like the intestines, to maximize the use out of the animal. Rick Moonen, a chef in Las Vegas is deeply rooted in the sustainable seafood movement. The best restaurants are using only organic and humanely raised meats.

People at the forefront of the culinary industry are championing organic ingredients and many of them are championing local ingredients. Although there is a certain political-ness to the entire movement, the food actually does taste better. It is better for you because it does not have the toxins that are inherent in the industrial farm meat. And even though the food is more expensive, this serves as a benefit because it curbs your overall consumption of meat, which is a good thing for your health at the personal level, and at a large level for the environment.

The local, organic food eating movement has gone hand in hand with the local, organic food producing movement. These farms use the land and the animals in a much more natural way than how the land and the animals would have been. Polyface Farm in Virginia, is one noted site where the animals are in harmony with one another, they eat the diet they want to eat, and they are humanely slaughtered in an open place. The success of farms like this gives hope to this working at some sort of mainstream level. The more pressure these farms are able to put on the industrial farm, the better.

And this brings us back to our friends at PETA. As abhorrent as they find the meat industry, they serve a valuable purpose in the re-humanizing of meat eating. The role they play is continually bringing to the public eye the inhumanness that plagues the industrial farm industry. PETA and groups like it need to be the unions the animals cannot really have themselves. They need to get the word out as much as possible and continue to disgust people. Humans are unique in this fact: they can get disgusted. They do have some sort of affinity for animals and the sooner they get disgusted the sooner they will realize the effects of the meat industry on so many areas of the world, and on themselves, and in that realization will see that real, large scale change is possible. So maybe it is good that I watched those videos after all.

Blogging the NBA Lottery

2009-05-19T18:32:00.000-06:00

Yes the draft lottery
Wow a watching party at C-Webb's restaurant - Sacramento really is boring.
Jay Bilas - Hasheem Thabeet can block shots - great insight
Rubio will be good - really good- calling it now.
Did USC pay DeMar Derozan too?
short break - do they ever say long breaks? "We'll be back in like 4 minutes, go ahead and go to the bathroom, make a sandwich, you won't miss anything."
Joel Litvin giving the explanation of the ball machine.
Does Joel Litvin work at a mortuary?
That Heineken commercial is on with the cab driver singing - they should make a radio station of songs that no one knows but people like that are on commercials.
Martin Shannon has the envelopes.
Could their honestly be more of a lame quasi sporting event ever?
Eminem AND Mike Tyson on Jimmy Kimmel
Most underrated talk show since I have been alive, way better than Leno or Letterman, yet not the viewership. Tragic really.
Anyone else semi tempted to call those numbers where you can get foreclosed cars?
good run down of the successful number 1 picks.
Lisa Salters introducing the representatives.
Allan Houston is representing the Knicks, brought Reggie Jackson, that will help. Maybe he can pose after the Knicks get the 9th pick.
Flip Saunders would be happy with a good player, good insight Flip.
DAMNIT Suns don't move up.
This is so unentertaining.
Does that guy have to interject everytime he says something?
Things in order so far. Stern can't have rigged it like this.
C-Webb just called a timeout.
Commercial break for more drama,.
Heineken song has just surpassed the iPod commercials with the colors as the most popular song no one knows who sings.
Nice! Sound problem!
OKC goes 3.
2...Memphis Grizzlies.
Most disappointed person the world = Blake Griffin.
Salters has another awkward interview.
Was Mark Jones on the Cosby show?
Wow the Clippers lineup is awful.
oh and Blake Griffin won't make it better.

Thoughts

2009-05-06T17:02:00.000-06:00

Although they changed the name of "Burma" to "Myanmar" in 1989 they really ought to have changed the name of "Burma" to "Myanmar, formerly known as Burma" because everyone actually calls it that.
Brad Childress, the head coach for the Minnesota Vikings officially has a new nick name: Brad "weird high school science teacher who had that awkward relationship with that overly developed girl after she graduated" Childress

Things that need to go away (Part 2)

2009-03-25T17:24:00.000-06:00

Jean shorts; I don't really need to say anything about these, I mean just awful, take them off, like drop your pants on the spot. Going pantsless is better than jean shorts.
The phrase "man card." For those unfamiliar, a "man card" is basically your right to be a "man" however it is only used really when it is being taken away. Example: "If you use that lavender body wash, I will have to take away your man card." Oh my God, shut up. It's just so stupid. Plus only people who are insecure in their own manhood ever try to take it away so be cautious in your use of such a stupid, stupid phrase.
Fleece vests. Look, Patagonia is cool and all but you look like a jack ass.
People who use the handicapped door automatic button who are not a) handicapped or b) carrying a lot of stuff or c) both. Is opening a door really that hard? You grab the handle and pull; and even if it is a push door. That is even easier. You can basically keep walking and put you're arm or foot out and you will go through the door. That is easier than the button. What has your life come to when simple tasks like that require pressing a button? I have seen handicapped people who don't even bother with the button. Are you lazy? Are you jealous of people in wheelchairs? Are you just stupid? And it's not even any of that it's that the door mechanism is slower than any possible way you could open the door yourself. It's not like it's way faster and so much better to press it, it's actually less efficient. Stop pressing the button.

Things that need to go away

2009-03-10T16:31:00.000-06:00

Bernie Madoff jokes
OctoMom jokes
People who call in Radio Station A or TV Station Z defending OctoMom, does anyone actually care what you think? alternatively: people who call in Radio Station A or TV Station Z condemning OctoMom, does anyone actually care what you think? don't you have better things to do then talk about some crazy woman. And it's not even that, it's like you treat it seriously. Example: someone called into CNN earlier today and was saying how awful this woman was and that the caller was a single mom of seven herself, and she successfully started a non-profit and what have you, YOU HAVE SEVEN KIDS AND A BUSINESS AND YOU HAVE TIME TO CALL INTO CNN TO PUT DOWN OCTOMOM. ITWEIDHGSA]UGJDJ;HBV. Sorry I just passed out from rage and fell on my keyboard.
Grownups typin lik ths whn they try 2 txt u; seriously just type the words, it's not hard.
Jimmy Fallon's talk show, I watched like 3 minutes last night. Holy cow was that awful. Not even the audience laughed. I think ?uestlove was about to throw his drumstick at him.

Obama's Address to Congress

2009-02-24T19:47:00.001-07:00

Blah blah economy, blah blah jobs.
I set the over/for applause breaks at 24. I took the over. It's currently 7:48pm mst. We are at 25.
Blah blah healthcare.
Pelosi needs to sit down, she stands up like every 46 seconds.
Education is awesome.
Orrin Hatch is from Utah!
7:51pm mst = 29 applause breaks.
Obama 1; Bush 0
What the hell is an earmark anyway?
Yup, he just mentioned Iraq.
Pelosi is up again. And it's not just standing up. It's like she is on a trampoline. Or think this, it's like she is the teacher and just sat on a thumb tack.
Blah blah, tax cuts, blah blah.
I am tired of American Flag Pins as an institution.
Iraq count: 2
It's nice to see a president who can pronounce Middle Eastern countries correctly.
Obligatory "We support the troops" drop
The MSNBC audience reaction thing is going to blow up.
Blah, blah terrorism
WOW! EQUIVOCATION! HE SAID EQUIVOCATION! that is a 12 letter word, 12!
Blah blah, hope, blah blah inspiration, blah blah banking guy who gave away his money.
Who cares about Greenville, TX? Oh, wait, it's an inspirational story.
Obscure town reference 2: Dylan, SC
Who actually wants to become a lawyer or a doctor? Is that still a thing?
Michelle is hugging that girl.
God Bless America.
Applause Breaks final: 39
Now he is trying to get out of the chambers, what an uphill battle.
How many handshakes do you think had tonight? I guess 3424
Now he is signing autographs.
Do you think Michelle and Barack can get a celebrity couple name like Brangelina, or Tomkat? Barchelle? Michack? I could see this catching on.
I like that the camera is still rolling in the chambers. There are like 12 people left. Is that interesting?
Oh wait now they cut to Baton Rouge.

Governer Jindal's response.

Could this guy get any more cheesy? I think I watched him on a PBS kids special once.
Do you think he really is excited by supermarkets?
You totally care what party your constituants are, you wouldn't be there if they weren't Republican.
Story time.
What an awful story.
This is the best the GOP has to offer?
Trillion... trillion... where have I heard that number before, oh wait, the Iraq war.
Yeah let's not monitor volcanoes, science is over rated. So is the safety for the people who live by volcanoes.
LARGEST INCOME TAX CUT IN THE HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY! WOW!
Isn't Louisiana like the most corrupt state in the country?
Oh wait, they passed some of the strongest ethics laws in the country. Way to nip my question in the bud.
There he goes with that trillion again.
And now he is talking about the troops, you can't write this stuff.
I am glad he hates Bush as much as everyone.
That is a nice sum up of wars and attacks.
"The most" annoying governor in the country.
God Bless America
Wow, that speech was awful.

Michael Phelps

2009-02-06T11:13:00.000-07:00

Michael Phelps is in hot water because he smoked marijuana. He has been suspended, he has been dropped as a sponsor from Kellogg, and he might even get arrested. I have a novel question, who cares? Look, this guy is the best Olympic swimmer ever; he is the best Olympic athlete of a generation, and arguably the best Olympic athlete ever. You honestly care that he smoked weed? Like seriously, honestly? It makes me angry. He is a freaking American icon. You loved him when he was racking up hardware in Beijing and now he smokes a little weed and he is getting dropped kicked? He is freaking 23 years old; he has been swimming at an Olympic level since he was 15. Fifteen. First off, isn't he allowed to screw up? He is a kid who didn't get a chance to be a kid.

Here's another news flash: kids smoke weed. He is just doing what every other 23 year old is doing.

And second of all, did he even screw up? Last time I checked, the Olympics are an international event. Look here. That is like half of the freaking world where cannabis is legal or decriminalized. Smoking marijuana is no worse for anybody than smoking tobacco. Everyone has heard that argument. Don't get me started on drug liberalization. (I will rant about that later). But I mean it’s not a big deal, it really isn't. Phelps got lit. Who cares? The only argument I really buy is the de facto illegality of it. He broke the law in South Carolina. Okay, you got me there, but honestly how many people smoke weed in SC, Wikipedia says there is 4,479,800 people in South Carolina. What's the over/under on how many people smoke pot? 500,000? I would take the over in about 4 seconds. Not to mention he was at a party at the University of South Carolina. A freaking house party on a college campus. Yeah no one ever smokes weed there.

His DUI was 764 times worse and who talked about that during the Olympics in China? No one. Oh wait he was winning gold medals in China.

And Kellogg? Seriously Kellogg? His image is so tarnished that he can't hock your Corn Flakes any more? Who is going to go to the grocery store, pick up a box of cereal with the intent to drop it the cart, look at Phelp's noggin on the box and say to themselves, "Wait he smoked marijuana, I better put this back." It makes me sick. Oh and by the way Kellogg, stoners love Frosted Flakes and Eggo waffles, so I would actually run with this.

Here is to not caring if Michael Phelps or anyone else goes to a party, gets lit, and has a good time.

Super Bowl Pick

2009-01-29T16:13:00.000-07:00

I don't know if you have heard about this, but there is a big game coming up on Sunday February 1st. It's called the Super Bowl and it matches the Pittsburgh Steelers with the Arizona Cardinals in Tampa, Florida.

Lines current as of 5:00p mst on Sunday January 29th, 2009 and from oddsmaker.com

Steelers (-7) vs Cardinals

For all intents and purposes the Steelers should win this game. They have more experience and a tougher defense, they have won a Super Bowl before (several in fact), the Cardinals on the other hand are on a Cub like streak of post season failure.

With two weeks of Super Bowl coverage the Cards still seem to be getting overlooked. Everyone who is picking them is only picking them because they are scared that everyone else is picking the Steelers. Everyone says "watch out for the Cardinals" but are they really even thinking that? It seems that it is just lip service. Who actually thinks they will win?

Honestly though, with how many people the Cards have shocked I am surprised the line is as high as it, I mean a touchdown favorite? Against a team that can score in bunches? Who has not once since not covered? And the Steelers are one "Troy Polamalu is a freaking stud" interception (against a rookie quarterback from Delaware) from not covering against Baltimore and a Santonio Holmes punt return touchdown (against a punter who had like the best game in the history of punters the week before) from not covering against San Diego. Doesn't Vegas have a gun to your head to take the points. How can you not? I can't really find it in my heart of hearts not to take the points.

But to my actual pick.

Look I already said the Steelers should win this game. I have picked against the Cards at every turn and they have burned me at each and every one of those. I want to take the Cardinals but I am afraid they will lose if I pick them, I want them to win because I want the Lombardi trophy to be live west of the Mississippi for the first time since 1998. I am tired of it. I want the entire western US to be vindicated in its professional football standing and for its entire reputation to be improved. Not even that, but can you imagine how many story lines would come out of the Cardinals winning this game?

Cardinals win their first Super Bowl ever.
Larry Fitzgerald puts on the greatest playoff performance possibly ever.
Anquan Boldin and Todd Haley yell at each other out of joy.
Kurt Warner rides off into the sunset as a Super Bowl champion a la John Elway.
Ken Whisenhunt beats his former team.
Finally offense trumps defense

Where does it end? I really do not want to ruin that by picking the Cardinals. But man I have this feeling, I have this sneaking suspicion that they just might do it. I think they will, I am totally talking myself into this pick. Do I curse the Cardinals and go with my gut? Or do I go with my other gut and take the Steelers. I haven't been this conflicted since I stole two marbles from preschool, oh screw it: Cardinals 27 Steelers 24

On Exclamation Points

2009-01-23T15:44:00.000-07:00

Exclamation points were once a valuable part of the written English language. An exclamation point's very presence defined an entire grouping of sentences, the exclamatory sentence was defined by the very existence of the exclamation point. They were used to express strong feelings, sentiments, or emotions. They were once my favorite form of punctuation. They were heads and shoulders above the comma and period and they were definitely more exciting to write then the question mark. The exclamation point allowed you to show passion in writing, it showed that you were not simply declaring something, you were exclaiming it.

The problem is that the exclamation point has become a mere triviality. It has been overused to the point of gluttony. We, as an English language society, have become exclamation point gluttons. Not only has it been overused, but it has been misused. It's not only that we are gluttons, but we are doing it incorrectly. We are eating with our nose. Think about it, do you even think the other person is excited anymore when you read an exclamation point? How many times have you seen a sentence that ended in seven or eight exclamation points. We have completely devalued the exclamation point as anything exciting. Its overuse has completely destroyed the very nature of itself. It makes me mad. I would love to once again use the exclamation point.

For this to happen however we need to stop using the exclamation point. We need to make people forget about the exclamation point. Then and only then when the value of the exclamation point has been restored, when we once again hunger for the excitement it brings, then and only then will I once again be able to comfortably exclaim things in print. I implore you, the English writing language, to stop using the exclamation point. I am done with it, I no longer will use an exclamation point in any sort of writing. I refuse until its value is restored. And to bid farewell to the exclamation point I leave you and it with this.

Stop using exclamation points!

On Yuppies; an exposé on yuppies in the Salt Lake Valley

2009-01-22T19:49:00.000-07:00

A yuppie is a rather clumsy word for a younger person usually in their 20 or 30s who is professionally driven and lives in a major urban center, a "young urban professional." Salt Lake City has evolved itself into an urban environment and along with that urbanity has come with it yuppies. They are generally well intentioned but many times lack the social graces to interact with people other than other yuppies. This can lead you to believe that all yuppies are pompous and arrogant, which is not true. The truth is that most yuppies are pompous and arrogant. Yuppies shouldn't be feared however, they are harmless and are actually a valuable part to any urban center. The most confusing thing about a yuppie is not discerning whether or not they are a yuppie but exactly what time of yuppie you are dealing with. There are several different types of yuppies, each with their own characteristics and features that discern them from other yuppies. The following is a guide to different types of yuppies you may run across around the Salt Lake Valley:

The Mormon Yuppie

A very common yuppie, especially south of 21st South. You will tend to see mostly males in this category as the females are home tending for the children. Should you see one of these in the wild with their mate, you will undoubtedly see the children as well. These children are usually not well behaved and are fond of throwing sugar packets on the ground. The Mormon yuppie tends to work in financial fields such as banking, accounting, or insurance. White collared shirts with red or blue ties are very common, and are almost never seen in patterned shirts. The Mormon yuppie tends to look down on most people but is polite about it because they are very non-confrontational.

Average Number of Children: 3.7
Automobile of choice: Ford Expedition

Beverage of choice: Diet Coke
They tip: 12%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Cafe Rio

The Dorky Yuppie

The Dorky Yuppie is the kindest of the yuppies. There is less disdain for people below them than most yuppies but this is counterbalanced with unwaveringly bad social skills. They have not fit in to their surroundings for sometime but usually have skills that other people value. Jobs these yuppies have include information systems and medical technology. Golf shirts with khakis are common, as are Gap jeans. Dress is informal and modest, but watch out for "Hawaiian Shirt Friday."

Average Number of Children: 1.8
Automobile of choice: Toyota Corolla

Beverage of choice: flavored lemonade
They tip: 18%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Costa Vida

The Traditional Yuppie

This yuppie is very common. They usually have a high level of education. They are actually very adept at social interaction, especially with other yuppies but they also have the smoothest interactions with other non-yuppies. Although not universally true, they tend to be fans of good food and wine. Often occupy something called a “McMansion.” They are prone to usage of nannies and babysitters. Common jobs include doctors, professors, and entrepreneurs. These yuppies are very good at throwing parties, although the parties tend to be unentertaining to all except other traditional yuppies.

Average Number of Children: 2.1
Automobile of choice: Subaru Outback

Beverage of choice: Pinot Grigio
They tip: 25%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Barbacoa

The Skier Yuppie

The skier yuppie, also known as the Snowbird yuppie is a yuppie who thrives in winter conditions but is often not seen in the valley. They seem to be enamored with something called a “Bluebird Day.” Skiing is the preferred pastime although some outliers prefer snowboarding. Skiing also dominates conversation after skiing. Beards are preferred by the males. Most have some sort of goggle tan, also called “raccoon eyes.” Careers are harder to discern among skier yuppies because they are so often observed away from work. Suspiciously hibernating during the warmer seasons.

Average Number of Children: 1.8
Automobile of choice: Toyota 4Runner

Beverage of Choice: microbrews
They tip: 18%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Lonestar Taqueria

The Hip Yuppie

This yuppie is very thin and usually has an equally thin partner. They are commonly seen on scooters in the warmer months. In the cooler months scarves are very popular. Males tend to wear suit jackets with t-shirts. Females are fond of skinny jeans and larger sunglasses. They usually have an office in some place that used to be a loft apartment. Common fields include architecture, internet start ups, and art galleries. They also tend to live in buildings that used to be offices. They often have tattoos but are usually invisible while clothed. 5 o’clock shadows are common amongst the males. They are known to frequent independent films.

Average Number of Children: 0.7
Automobile of choice: Toyota Prius or vintage bicycle

Beverage of choice: Perrier
They tip: 20%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Sushi, Mexican isn't hip enough.

The Rocker Yuppie

This is the hardest type of yuppie to discern because of their similarity to people similar to them with no money. These yuppies tend not to work as much, or are at least very good at making it seem as though they do not work as much. They have a lot of time on their hands and seemingly informal careers evidenced by beers and margaritas at lunches that last more than the usually allotted lunch time and the frequency of body modification. Common careers include tattoo artists, hair stylists, and writers. Tattoos, rock and roll boots, and wallets with chains are common.

Average Number of Children: 0.4
Automobile of choice: Vintage Chevrolet

Beverage of choice: Pabst Blue Ribbon
They tip: 20%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Red Iguana

The Almost Yuppie

These yuppies are just not quite yuppies yet. They are very smart and have limitless potential but usually they are still stuck in college unable to achieve their full yuppie potential, they tend to be act like a yuppie in all areas except the lack of money. Almost yuppies are intelligent, evidenced by good marks in school however they sometimes struggle with emotional problems. They are very politically charged and feel as though they can change the world. Over the top optimism and an inability to hold liquor are common.

Average Number of Children: 0.2
Automobile of choice: Volkswagen Jetta

Beverage of choice: Coca-Cola
They tip: 17.5%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Rubio’s

Reasons you want to watch the Super Bowl (other than the fact that it is the freaking Super Bowl)

2009-01-21T16:55:00.000-07:00

1. Larry Fitzgerald - Check here, here, here, here,or here to figure out that the national media is at least enamored with Larry Fitzgerald. And honestly for good reason - he is really, really good. His craft is an entertaining one in and of itself, but when someone is performing that craft at a highest level, it is a thing of beauty. It's not really a sports thing - okay it is, but this guy is amazing, to say the least.

2. Kurt Warner coming back from the dead - Ok, obviously he wasn't really dead, but this guy has a totally rejuvenated career for like a 67th time. That's a story line enough.

3. The St. Louis Rams - Remember those fun St. Louis Rams days when he came out of the Arena League and the Greatest Show on Turf won that Super Bowl. Yeah, me too that was awesome and this Cardinal team is almost as entertaining. They have so many weapons and the same, albeit older quarterback pulling the trigger. Offense is much better to watch then defense and any curmudgeon who tells you otherwise is lying.

4. The University of Phoenix Stadium - You might think this is the home field for the University of Phoenix, then you remember that it's the University of Phoenix and you think that as much bad there is to say about the corporatization of sports sometimes it's just funny.

5. Pittsburgh vs Arizona - No not the Steelers vs. the Cardinals, the City of Pittsburgh vs. the City of Phoenix. As I type this it is 79 degrees in Phoenix and it is 20 degrees in Pittsburgh. For those keeping track at home that is like a 59 degree difference. 59 degrees! That is just the tip of the iceberg. I mean are they similar in anyway?

West vs. East
Northeast vs. Southwest
traditonal vs. new
old line steel city vs. emerging metropolis
river city vs. desert city
cheesesteak vs. tacos.
Jeff Goldblum vs. David Spade
Steven Spielberg vs. George A. Romero

(Random note: on the wikpedia page of famous people from the Pittsburgh area there were zero porn stars, on the wikipedia page of famous people from the Phoenix area there were six. I am not judging, I am just saying).

AFC Championship

2009-01-16T15:50:00.000-07:00

Chargers at Steelers

The Steelers impressed me a lot, on both sides of the ball. They kept the Darren Sproles experience in check (on the ground at least). The offense moved the ball, especially on the ground. Willie Parker seems to be back. They just looked good. What really struck me was their ability to answer. I thought they were in trouble after the Bolts scored on that first drive, but they just took a deep breath and got back to work. They didn't allow the Charger run game to get going and they got a few big plays- the punt return by Holmes and a bunch of big runs.

Ravens at Titans

The Ravens on the other hand played a tight game with the Titans. I just love this Baltimore team. The defense is stellar and Joe Flacco is hitting enough throws to put them in the position to win the game. Who would have thought a Blue Hen would win two (two!) playoff games. The only thing that scares me was the fact the fact that Tennessee left points (and possessions for that matter) on the field. They kept shooting themselves in the foot which allowed Baltimore to finish out the game. But the fact remains that they still finished out the game.

Lines current as of 1:30a mst on Sunday January 18th, 2009 and from oddsmaker.com

--Ravens (+6) at Steelers

I want to pick the Steelers, I really do. They are the more complete team. They have a better quarterback, they have a better running back, they have better wide receivers, and they have at least as good of a defense as Baltimore, and they have been there before. But honestly I refuse to bet against this Baltimore team. I can't do it. I can't take my hard earned money and put six (six!) against a Pittsburgh team that doesn't really win big against good teams. They absolutely played well against San Diego, but I totally don't believe this team can win by six against a team that plays as solidly as the Ravens. I don't know if I can trust Joe Flacco, but that is what everyone said the first two weeks. I love the Raven's gameplan against Tennesee, they didn't let the rookie lose the game for them (hell they didn't even let him throw the ball inside their own 40). But when he Flacco had to step up and hit throws he did - against a stellar Titan defense - there is no reason to think he won't keep doing it. The defense will give Concussion Roethilsberger trouble. I don't see him getting going. Willie Parker will get some yards but the Raven defense won't break. It will be higher scoring than some people thing, but it will still be a battle. Baltimore has a "team of destiny" thing going and the more you think about it, the more they remind you of that 2000 team, which for those keeping track at home, won the Super Bowl. Ravens 20 Steelers 18

NFC Championship

2009-01-16T11:47:00.001-07:00

So last week was a little bad. Okay really bad. Alright awful. 1 correct 3 incorrect. But you know, we persevere around here. We pick ourselves up, we dust ourselves off, and we go out there, we recap last week, and we pick the championship rounds.

Cardinals at Panthers

Arizona did it again. Seriously Carolina? You couldn't beat the {freaking} Arizona Cardinals at home. Not only did you not beat the Cardinals, you got smoked by the Cardinals. And by the way, did anyone have the Cardinals? No they did not. I certainly didn't but I mean they came out of nowhere.The {freaking} Cardinals. They have burned me twice. Kurt Warner is something like 245 years old and he is just playing pitch and catch with every single weapon he has on the field. And Larry Fitzgerald is a stud - just amazing. Not only was the Cardinal offense clicking but what happened to Jake Delhomme? Five interceptions? 5? Cinco? How does this happen? But it's not all Delhomme's fault, the Cardinal defense is playing incredibly. They are playing about as well as possible - they are forcing turnovers (see above) and just playing really solidly. And Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie is a playmaker. He is a super star in the making.

Eagles at Giants

Pants it is acceptable to place a loaded, unlocked gun in:
1. Jeans
2. Khakis
3. Chinos
4. Wool trousers
5. Tuxedo pants

Pants it is unacceptable to place a loaded, unlocked gun in:
1. Sweatpants

Players who would have helped the Giants win this game who shot themselves in the leg after violating the rules above:
1. Plaxico Burress

The Giant offense was so pedestrian without Plax, and it especially showed against the Eagles. They couldn't muster a touchdown, Eli looked average, at best. They just weren't that good. On the other side, McNabb made the plays when he had to, he kept hitting 3rd down throws, he ran for a touchdown and more-or-less willed his team to a victory. So that leaves a NFC Conference Championship game of the Eagles traveling to Arizona to take on the Cardinals.

Lines current as of 1:30a mst on Sunday January 18th, 2009 and from oddsmaker.com

--Eagles (-3 1/2) at Cardinals

The Cardinals have have burned me twice so far. I want to pick them, I really do. I want to say they won me over, I want Kurt Warner to get back to the Super Bowl and then ride off into the sunset to save underpriveladged youth. I want a warm weather team to win a Super Bowl. I want a team with an offense to win. I want the cliche of defense wins championships to be shut up for at least a year. I want the NFC West to be vindicated for being the punching bag of the NFL. I want the national media to remember that their are teams that are good, interesting, and worth talking about west of the Mississippi. I want it so bad. I don't think it will happen. The Eagles should win this game. I don't know how Kurt Warner will be able to handle the pressure the Eagles will bring. I think the run game will be slowed up which will put even more pressure on Warner, and I think that will let the Eagles be more aggressive. On the other sideline I think McNabb has a whole no one believes in me thing going. He got benched, he didn't know there was a tie rule and he hasn't been to Super Bowl without Terrell Owens. He wants to vindicate himself on all fronts and really prove himself as an elite quarterback. The Cardinals will get their points but I don't know that it will be enough. Westbrook was tame last week but I think he makes a few big plays this time and McNabb does enough to get the Eagles back to the Super Bowl. Eagles 30 Cardinals 24

NFL Playoff Picks Second Round

2009-01-09T15:54:00.001-07:00

Lines current as of 4:30p mst on Friday January 9th, 2009 and from oddsmaker.com

AFC

--Ravens at Titans (-3)

I can't imagine this game not being ugly. Two really good defenses, two average offenses led by two average quarterbacks who are opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of their careers. The only way this gets exciting is if Ed Reed touches the ball. (Speaking of that, I have heard enough about Ed Reed lately, he is great - we get it. He is getting as much pub in the sports world as the governor of Illinois is getting in the fake news world. Blagojevich is slimy and has bad hair, Ed Reed is a ballhawk and really good; enough already). Gad now I am angry. Anyways the game is in Nashville where the Titans have already beaten Baltimore but that won't make much of a difference. The Raven run game does a tiny bit more than the Titan run game, both quarterbacks play poorly have at least 1 interception (maybe/probably more). Look for a bunch of field goals and the Ravens win a close, ugly one. Ravens 19 Titans 16

--Chargers (+6) at Pittsburgh

If I am Pittsburgh, I am really scared of this game. The Chargers are smoking hot, their karma from the beginning of the season is finally on the other end of the spectrum, and Darren Sproles is doing his best Tazmanian Devil impersonation. San Diego's defense is finally playing up to their potential. Pittsburgh already beat San Diego at home, but only by 1. It is supposed to stop snowing on Saturday in Pittsburgh and the game is Sunday. So it should be cold, but clear. The Steelers needed the rest from the bye and they will be ready, Heinz field will be rocking. I want to take the Steelers, they won't win by 6. It will be close. For sure take the points, and I know this is going to bite me but I will take the Chargers. I am internally yelling at myself but Chargers 24 Steelers 23

NFC

--Cardinals (+9 1/2) at Panthers

I love the Panthers, I love their run game, I love Steve Smith (a Ute). I love their defense, I like their coach, they are home, the weather is going to suck, Delhomme probably won't have to throw the ball more than like 15 times, I can't say enough. The Cardinals surprised me against Atlanta, but Carolina is a better team than Atlanta, Jake Delhomme is better than Matt Ryan. I don't see the Cardinals offense getting going. 9 1/2 is a lot to lay for a defensive run oriented team. Still though, I can't help but take the Cats. Panthers 31 Cardinals 13

--Eagles (+4) at Giants

The Eagles are hot. If Westbrook makes 3 big plays the Eagles can win this. The Eagles have to feel good after dominating Dallas to get into the playoffs then getting a big win on the road at Minnesota. But the Giants are too good to let this win slip away, they want to prove that they can win without Plaxico and Eli wants to prove that he better than his brother (I have no proof of this, I just can't imagine it isn't true). This will be close, 3 or 4 points. Let's hope it's 4. Giants 20 Eagles 16

College Football Final Ramblings

2009-01-09T13:29:00.000-07:00

SO the mighty Utes finished #2 in the AP Poll, with 16 first place votes and #4 in the USA Today/Coaches Poll with 1 first place vote (from Kyle Whittingham). The coaches are obligated to vote for the winner of the BCS National Championship Game won by Florida in an unconvincing albeit effective victory over Oklahoma. (What do you call what Kyle did? He said he was "looking out for his players" but do you call that civil disobedience? poll disobedience? in any case good on ya coach). The Gators finished #1 in both polls. As a self admitted and absolute total Utah homer I am a little annoyed that there was not a split national championship, but the whole kit and kaboodle is mythical anyway and there is so much buzz about the college football post season that it really doesn't matter that they aren't #1 in the polls.

But to my main point: The Mountain West is really really good and really really deserving of a BCS automatic bid. The following: final ranking in the AP, wins versus final AP rankings (by ranking only); conference title winner in italics

Mountain West:

Utah: #2 - wins over #6, #7, #18, and #25
Texas Christian: #7 -wins over #11 and #25
Brigham Young: #25

=no automatic bid

Big East

Cincinnatti: #17 -win over #23
West Virginia #23

=automatic bid

ACC

Virginia Tech: #15 - win over #21
Florida State: #21

=automatic bid

Big 10

Penn State: #8 - wins over #9, #18, and #24
Ohio State: #9 - win over #24
Michigan State: #24

=automatic bid

I see a problem too.

NFL Playoff Picks (in hindsight)

2009-01-06T15:31:00.000-07:00

I was 3-1 in my first round of playoff picks but only 2-2 against the spread, which is respectable, I suppose. I really thought Miami would keep it closer. They were at home but they somehow forgot not turning it over is a good idea. I totally underestimated the Cardinals, they hunkered down and stopped Michael Turner, which hurt the Falcons. Arizona had a swagger they hadn't had in a while and won one for their fans at home. The Eagles outplayed the Vikings with help from wouldn't you know, a bad interception (returned for a touchdown) by Tarvaris Jackson. I said earlier that as long as Adrian Peterson didn't go nuts (a respectable, but not wild 20 for 83, with 2 touchdowns) the Eagles should cover, he didn't and they did. I said the Chargers game was tough to call, I went with the Chargers and wouldn't you know, they won at home, in overtime. Wow I am impressive.

Second round playoff picks to come soon.

Sugar Bowl

2009-01-06T14:49:00.000-07:00

Well I don't know much what to say about the Sugar Bowl. I mean the Utes absolutely dominated in a 31-17 victory. The offense was sparkling scoring 21 straight points to open the first quarter. Alabama closed the gap with a punt return touchdown (one of Utah's two mistakes) and then a touchdown on a short field after a Brian Johnson fumble (the other mistake). Aside from those, the Alabama offense just couldn't move the ball. The Utes ended with 8 sacks, compare that with 17 total all season. Not to mention the two interceptions Utah had compare that with John Parker Wilson's 8 all season. The Utes were better prepared, schematically and emotionally. They were more fired up, they were better coached and 100% outplayed their SEC counterparts. Congratulations to the Ute team, coaches, and the entire Ute Nation.

But... don't get me started on the debate as to where the Utes should end up in the final polls. Just look here; here; here; or here and you'll get an idea on which side of the fence I sit (I am just a little biased). No matter which way the polls shake out this Utah team will go down as one of the best in Utah history, in Mountain West history, and well in national history, honestly they have a resume to compare with most teams. It matter-eth not to me (sort of) that the Utes won't get crowned mythical national champions. The Utes and everyone of their fans can hang their hats on the fact that they didn't lose. They beat who they played. They had close games, they had blowouts, and they had everything in between. This season was great, it was beyond great. Everyone who followed this team knows this and that is enough to be proud of.

AFC Playoff Picks

2008-12-31T15:03:00.000-07:00

Lines current as of 3:45p mst on Wednesday December 31st, 2008 and from oddsmaker.com

--Baltimore (-3 1/2) @ Miami

Biggest spread, hardest came to call. I just don't buy Miami. I know they finished out 9 and 1 in their last 10 but they only really have one signature win and the only impressive one at that was in September, and that was the game the Ronnie Brown Wild-cat/hog/dolphin/whatever totally burned New England. Do you think they can spring that on Baltimore in January? Me neither. Baltimore had a win against Philly at home and a win at Miami. All 5 of their losses were to playoff teams (Steelers -twice, Colts, Titans, Giants), which doesn't seem that great either. The Raven defense is obviously stellar but can the unibrowed Blue Hen (Joe Flacco) win a playoff game on the road, this guy says yes, but take the points. Baltimore by 3.

--Indianapolis (-1 1/2) @ San Diego

8-8 in the {freaking} AFC West is not impressive. But San Diego just has that dangerous team feeling. Like LT and Phil Rivers could go off and score like 40,000 points and beat anyone. They won when they had to, and are actually two games (the last second Carolina loss and the Hochuli game) from being 10-6. If the defense holds up, they could actually win this game. Indy is hot, winners of 9 straight and Peyton looks more like Super Bowl Peyton than the never beat the Florida Gators Peyton. They are finding ways to win games, which is the greatest thing about sports. The thing about it is they have won in different ways, which means they can win regardless of how this game plays out. I was lying before, this is probably the hardest game to call. I will probably regret this but I'll take the Chargers at home.

NFC Playoff Picks

2008-12-31T13:09:00.000-07:00

Since I will not be posting anything for the next 4 days I have to make my playoff picks for the NFL today.

Lines current as of 2:00p mst on Wednesday December 31st, 2008 and from oddsmaker.com

NFC

--Falcons (-2 1/2) @ Arizona

Home teams should have the advantage, that is why they call it home field advantage, but the Cards just don't seem into it. Best case scenario - they were just bored with their division, knew they were going to make the playoffs regardless of what they did and just got lazy. Worst case scenario - they are as actually bad as they have looked and will get smoked. On the other side I really like Atlanta, save for the Denver at home they didn't really have any bad losses. They beat who they were supposed to beat and lost to a few games to good teams. There was only one lopsided loss (at Carolina). I think Michael Turner is a star. I think the Falcons cover on a big day from him.

--Philadelphia (-3) @ Minnesota

I want to say Minnesota because they haven't had a division crown in quite some time, nor a home field playoff game so the dome will be popping. Both teams are coming off huge wins and riding at least a little momentum into the playoffs, but both lost the week before so it's not like they are on huge winning streaks. I think the difference in the game is the play at quarterback I will take Donovan McNabb over Tarvaris Jackson. Unless Adrian Peterson goes nuts, like beyond his usual level of nuts, I like Philadelphia to cover.

Mike Shanahan

2008-12-30T22:21:00.001-07:00

Today the Denver Broncos fired Coach Mike Shanahan after 14 years and 2 Super Bowl victories. I am a Denver Broncos fan. I was shocked. This season was bad enough. The one signature win the Broncos had was because of not only a bad call, a flat out wrong call. Every time the Broncos started gaining momentum there was a huge let down (at Kanasas City, Oakland at home, Buffalo at home). That doesn't even take into the equation the only once precedented 3 game division lead collapse which culminated in a loss at San Diego on Sunday night in prime time. It wasn't even a loss, it was a blowout, a smack in the mouth. It was awful. People in Denver were just plain pissed off the next day. And then Shanahan happens. The coach that brought not only the organization 2 Super Bowls but the city 2 Super Bowls, he brought the entire Bronco nation 2 Super Bowls.

And even has bad as this season was there was a glimmer of hope. It was small and hard to see amongst all the shattered dreams of this season. The Broncos had up and coming superstars at wide receiver (Brandon Marshall, Eddie Royal), a solid - if not really good - if not great young left tackle (Ryan Clady), and arguably one of the best young quarterbacks in the league in Jay Cutler (who by the way broke John Elway's record for passing yards in a season). If the Broncos get a defense, then who knows who could stop them.

And then today Shanahan . . . oh boy. Jay Cutler is unhappy with it. Yikes. Your up and coming superstar quarterback is unhappy with your decision. Not a good sign. But fear not Denver Broncos fans. Hope still remains.

Look, Shanahan is a good coach, he is probably even a great coach. He will be a good coach again at probably whatever job he wants, but his time in Denver was just up. The collapse just an excuse to speed up the inevitable. Shanahan was never going to stay there forever, and it's probably better for Cutler that he leave now while Cutler is still young and impressionable than in a few years when it would have rocked him even more. Of course Cutler will say something, who wouldn't? A boss you like gets canned and someone asks you about it? You're not going to be a little unhappy? You would be fine, you would get over it and go back to work. Cutler will too. He will be fine, he is a stud, he will be a star under any system, under any coach.

Think about it, Cutler is your quarterback, that alone can at least get you 8 wins (see 2008), if the defense is sured up and the offense doesn't go totally bonkers, you are at least at 8 wins for the next 5-7-9 years. That is a worst case scenario. If the offense stays at the same pace, which it should (if not even a more frenetic pace because of the rash of injuries to somewhere around everyone in the running game) and the defense is at least respectable that is 8-9-10 wins a season, at worst. That would be good enough to get playoffs most years. It would be good enough to win a few playoff games. It would be good enough to more-or-less contend every year. And if things go correctly, a Super Bowl victory or two, which would make everyone forget about Mike Shanahan anyway.

Thoughts

2008-12-30T21:37:00.001-07:00

It bothers me when there is a toilet and either a) the seat is too low or b) the water is too high and you have to worry about getting wet from toilet water, man that is awful.
The CEO of Pacific Life scares me. If anyone watched the Pacific Life Holiday Bowl (Oklahoma State vs. Oregon) you saw him wish us a happy holiday and tell us he hope we like watching the game. He talked too softly and the way he was looking into the camera it looked like his eyes had slid back into his skull like 4 inches too far, it was awkward. I felt like he was trying to convince me to join a cult. Dear sir, you are talking to the entire country, not a deer, please talk like a human being.
Said Holiday Bowl, however, is a really entertaining football game Even still, every time I see Mike Gundy I think of his tirade at the press conference.
I really enjoy when Chris Fowler calls games, he is really professional, he seams to be good at his job, and he actually seems to have a good time doing it.
Oregon won 42-31, by the way.

Sugar Bowl

2008-12-30T16:39:00.000-07:00

On January 2nd, 2009 the Utah Utes will play the Alabama Crimson Tide in the Sugar Bowl in New Orleans, LA. I am (obviously) beyond excited. For those that don't know me, I am a Ute through and through. This will be a tough game, that is unquestionable, I do not know that the Utes will win but they certainly can.

Thoughts:

Andre Smith is out; this is huge. He could be a starter in the NFL right now, he is big and fast and strong and good. He apparently had improper dealings with an professional agent, I do not know what an improper dealing is, but it is improper enough to be dismissed from the team and (effectively) be his last hurrah at Alabama. The one game he missed this year was against Tulane {freaking Tulane} and Alabama had 172 yards {freaking 172} of total offense. Their season average was 367. You do the math. A pretty fast and talented defensive front coming at John Parker Wilson could cause Alabama problems.

Alabama is disappointed; they were one quarter away from the national championship game {one freaking quarter} They got smacked in the mouth by the Florida Gators, especially in the 4th quarter, where they got 6 yards of offense {freaking six}. Not exactly great momentum.

Both teams could be rusty; I don't care who you are, an over 20 day layoff will make any team any sport rusty.

Nick Saban; from what I know about Nick Saban (very little) personally he is kind of pompous kind of arrogant, calculated, annoying for media members, and plenty more more-or-less negative things, but he is talented at what he does. He is the highest paid coach in college football (he was even on the cover of Forbes) something he probably deserves and he can and will make a difference for the Tide.

Kyle Whittingham; also a really good coach. His team went 12-0, he is a good coach. That's it.

more to follow

First Post (Revisted)

2008-12-30T16:35:00.000-07:00

So once again this blog will be attempted to be posted on by me. I am Christian, this is my blog. Impressive, I know.

2008-07-16T18:26:00.000-06:00

Hello, this is my first blog, so I am not exactly sure what I am doing. Hopefully if someone reads this, they will check back in a while to see how much better it is when I get the hang of this.