I set the over/for applause breaks at 24. I took the over. It's currently 7:48pm mst. We are at 25.
Blah blah healthcare.
Pelosi needs to sit down, she stands up like every 46 seconds.
Education is awesome.
Orrin Hatch is from Utah!
7:51pm mst = 29 applause breaks.
Obama 1; Bush 0
What the hell is an earmark anyway?
Yup, he just mentioned Iraq.
Pelosi is up again. And it's not just standing up. It's like she is on a trampoline. Or think this, it's like she is the teacher and just sat on a thumb tack.
Blah blah, tax cuts, blah blah.
I am tired of American Flag Pins as an institution.
Iraq count: 2
It's nice to see a president who can pronounce Middle Eastern countries correctly.
Obligatory "We support the troops" drop
The MSNBC audience reaction thing is going to blow up.
Blah, blah terrorism
WOW! EQUIVOCATION! HE SAID EQUIVOCATION! that is a 12 letter word, 12!
Blah blah, hope, blah blah inspiration, blah blah banking guy who gave away his money.
Who cares about Greenville, TX? Oh, wait, it's an inspirational story.
Obscure town reference 2: Dylan, SC
Who actually wants to become a lawyer or a doctor? Is that still a thing?
Michelle is hugging that girl.
God Bless America.
Applause Breaks final: 39
Now he is trying to get out of the chambers, what an uphill battle.
How many handshakes do you think had tonight? I guess 3424
Now he is signing autographs.
Do you think Michelle and Barack can get a celebrity couple name like Brangelina, or Tomkat? Barchelle? Michack? I could see this catching on.
I like that the camera is still rolling in the chambers. There are like 12 people left. Is that interesting?
Oh wait now they cut to Baton Rouge.
Governer Jindal's response.
Could this guy get any more cheesy? I think I watched him on a PBS kids special once.
Do you think he really is excited by supermarkets?
You totally care what party your constituants are, you wouldn't be there if they weren't Republican.
Story time.
What an awful story.
This is the best the GOP has to offer?
Trillion... trillion... where have I heard that number before, oh wait, the Iraq war.
Yeah let's not monitor volcanoes, science is over rated. So is the safety for the people who live by volcanoes.
LARGEST INCOME TAX CUT IN THE HISTORY OF THE COUNTRY! WOW!
Isn't Louisiana like the most corrupt state in the country?
Oh wait, they passed some of the strongest ethics laws in the country. Way to nip my question in the bud.
There he goes with that trillion again.
And now he is talking about the troops, you can't write this stuff.
Michael Phelps is in hot water because he smoked marijuana. He has been suspended, he has been dropped as a sponsor from Kellogg, and he might even get arrested. I have a novel question, who cares? Look, this guy is the best Olympic swimmer ever; he is the best Olympic athlete of a generation, and arguably the best Olympic athlete ever. You honestly care that he smoked weed? Like seriously, honestly? It makes me angry. He is a freaking American icon. You loved him when he was racking up hardware in Beijing and now he smokes a little weed and he is getting dropped kicked? He is freaking 23 years old; he has been swimming at an Olympic level since he was 15. Fifteen. First off, isn't he allowed to screw up? He is a kid who didn't get a chance to be a kid.
Here's another news flash: kids smoke weed. He is just doing what every other 23 year old is doing.
And second of all, did he even screw up? Last time I checked, the Olympics are an international event. Look here. That is like half of the freaking world where cannabis is legal or decriminalized. Smoking marijuana is no worse for anybody than smoking tobacco. Everyone has heard that argument. Don't get me started on drug liberalization. (I will rant about that later). But I mean it’s not a big deal, it really isn't. Phelps got lit. Who cares? The only argument I really buy is the de facto illegality of it. He broke the law in South Carolina. Okay, you got me there, but honestly how many people smoke weed in SC, Wikipedia says there is 4,479,800 people in South Carolina. What's the over/under on how many people smoke pot? 500,000? I would take the over in about 4 seconds. Not to mention he was at a party at the University of South Carolina. A freaking house party on a college campus. Yeah no one ever smokes weed there.
His DUI was 764 times worse and who talked about that during the Olympics in China? No one. Oh wait he was winning gold medals in China.
And Kellogg? Seriously Kellogg? His image is so tarnished that he can't hock your Corn Flakes any more? Who is going to go to the grocery store, pick up a box of cereal with the intent to drop it the cart, look at Phelp's noggin on the box and say to themselves, "Wait he smoked marijuana, I better put this back." It makes me sick. Oh and by the way Kellogg, stoners love Frosted Flakes and Eggo waffles, so I would actually run with this.
Here is to not caring if Michael Phelps or anyone else goes to a party, gets lit, and has a good time.
I don't know if you have heard about this, but there is a big game coming up on Sunday February 1st. It's called the Super Bowl and it matches the Pittsburgh Steelers with the Arizona Cardinals in Tampa, Florida.
Lines current as of 5:00p mst on Sunday January 29th, 2009 and from oddsmaker.com
Steelers (-7) vs Cardinals
For all intents and purposes the Steelers should win this game. They have more experience and a tougher defense, they have won a Super Bowl before (several in fact), the Cardinals on the other hand are on a Cub like streak of post season failure.
With two weeks of Super Bowl coverage the Cards still seem to be getting overlooked. Everyone who is picking them is only picking them because they are scared that everyone else is picking the Steelers. Everyone says "watch out for the Cardinals" but are they really even thinking that? It seems that it is just lip service. Who actually thinks they will win?
Honestly though, with how many people the Cards have shocked I am surprised the line is as high as it, I mean a touchdown favorite? Against a team that can score in bunches? Who has not once since not covered? And the Steelers are one "Troy Polamalu is a freaking stud" interception (against a rookie quarterback from Delaware) from not covering against Baltimore and a Santonio Holmes punt return touchdown (against a punter who had like the best game in the history of punters the week before) from not covering against San Diego. Doesn't Vegas have a gun to your head to take the points. How can you not? I can't really find it in my heart of hearts not to take the points.
But to my actual pick.
Look I already said the Steelers should win this game. I have picked against the Cards at every turn and they have burned me at each and every one of those. I want to take the Cardinals but I am afraid they will lose if I pick them, I want them to win because I want the Lombardi trophy to be live west of the Mississippi for the first time since 1998. I am tired of it. I want the entire western US to be vindicated in its professional football standing and for its entire reputation to be improved. Not even that, but can you imagine how many story lines would come out of the Cardinals winning this game?
Cardinals win their first Super Bowl ever.
Larry Fitzgerald puts on the greatest playoff performance possibly ever.
Anquan Boldin and Todd Haley yell at each other out of joy.
Kurt Warner rides off into the sunset as a Super Bowl champion a la John Elway.
Ken Whisenhunt beats his former team.
Finally offense trumps defense
Where does it end? I really do not want to ruin that by picking the Cardinals. But man I have this feeling, I have this sneaking suspicion that they just might do it. I think they will, I am totally talking myself into this pick. Do I curse the Cardinals and go with my gut? Or do I go with my other gut and take the Steelers. I haven't been this conflicted since I stole two marbles from preschool, oh screw it: Cardinals 27 Steelers 24
Exclamation points were once a valuable part of the written English language. An exclamation point's very presence defined an entire grouping of sentences, the exclamatory sentence was defined by the very existence of the exclamation point. They were used to express strong feelings, sentiments, or emotions. They were once my favorite form of punctuation. They were heads and shoulders above the comma and period and they were definitely more exciting to write then the question mark. The exclamation point allowed you to show passion in writing, it showed that you were not simply declaring something, you were exclaiming it.
The problem is that the exclamation point has become a mere triviality. It has been overused to the point of gluttony. We, as an English language society, have become exclamation point gluttons. Not only has it been overused, but it has been misused. It's not only that we are gluttons, but we are doing it incorrectly. We are eating with our nose. Think about it, do you even think the other person is excited anymore when you read an exclamation point? How many times have you seen a sentence that ended in seven or eight exclamation points. We have completely devalued the exclamation point as anything exciting. Its overuse has completely destroyed the very nature of itself. It makes me mad. I would love to once again use the exclamation point.
For this to happen however we need to stop using the exclamation point. We need to make people forget about the exclamation point. Then and only then when the value of the exclamation point has been restored, when we once again hunger for the excitement it brings, then and only then will I once again be able to comfortably exclaim things in print. I implore you, the English writing language, to stop using the exclamation point. I am done with it, I no longer will use an exclamation point in any sort of writing. I refuse until its value is restored. And to bid farewell to the exclamation point I leave you and it with this.
A yuppie is a rather clumsy word for a younger person usually in their 20 or 30s who is professionally driven and lives in a major urban center, a "young urban professional." Salt Lake City has evolved itself into an urban environment and along with that urbanity has come with it yuppies. They are generally well intentioned but many times lack the social graces to interact with people other than other yuppies. This can lead you to believe that all yuppies are pompous and arrogant, which is not true. The truth is that most yuppies are pompous and arrogant. Yuppies shouldn't be feared however, they are harmless and are actually a valuable part to any urban center. The most confusing thing about a yuppie is not discerning whether or not they are a yuppie but exactly what time of yuppie you are dealing with. There are several different types of yuppies, each with their own characteristics and features that discern them from other yuppies. The following is a guide to different types of yuppies you may run across around the SaltLakeValley:
The Mormon Yuppie
A very common yuppie, especially south of 21st South. You will tend to see mostly males in this category as the females are home tending for the children. Should you see one of these in the wild with their mate, you will undoubtedly see the children as well. These children are usually not well behaved and are fond of throwing sugar packets on the ground. The Mormon yuppie tends to work in financial fields such as banking, accounting, or insurance. White collared shirts with red or blue ties are very common, and are almost never seen in patterned shirts. The Mormon yuppie tends to look down on most people but is polite about it because they are very non-confrontational.
Average Number of Children: 3.7
Automobile of choice: Ford Expedition
Beverage of choice: Diet Coke
They tip: 12%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Cafe Rio
The Dorky Yuppie
The Dorky Yuppie is the kindest of the yuppies. There is less disdain for people below them than most yuppies but this is counterbalanced with unwaveringly bad social skills. They have not fit in to their surroundings for sometime but usually have skills that other people value. Jobs these yuppies have include information systems and medical technology. Golf shirts with khakis are common, as are Gap jeans. Dress is informal and modest, but watch out for "Hawaiian Shirt Friday."
Average Number of Children: 1.8
Automobile of choice: Toyota Corolla
Beverage of choice: flavored lemonade
They tip: 18%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Costa Vida
The Traditional Yuppie
This yuppie is very common. They usually have a high level of education. They are actually very adept at social interaction, especially with other yuppies but they also have the smoothest interactions with other non-yuppies. Although not universally true, they tend to be fans of good food and wine. Often occupy something called a “McMansion.” They are prone to usage of nannies and babysitters. Common jobs include doctors, professors, and entrepreneurs. These yuppies are very good at throwing parties, although the parties tend to be unentertaining to all except other traditional yuppies.
Average Number of Children: 2.1
Automobile of choice: Subaru Outback
Beverage of choice: Pinot Grigio
They tip: 25%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Barbacoa
The Skier Yuppie
The skier yuppie, also known as the Snowbird yuppie is a yuppie who thrives in winter conditions but is often not seen in the valley. They seem to be enamored with something called a “Bluebird Day.” Skiing is the preferred pastime although some outliers prefer snowboarding. Skiing also dominates conversation after skiing. Beards are preferred by the males. Most have some sort of goggle tan, also called “raccoon eyes.” Careers are harder to discern among skier yuppies because they are so often observed away from work. Suspiciously hibernating during the warmer seasons.
Average Number of Children: 1.8
Automobile of choice: Toyota 4Runner
Beverage of Choice: microbrews
They tip: 18%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: LonestarTaqueria
The Hip Yuppie
This yuppie is very thin and usually has an equally thin partner. They are commonly seen on scooters in the warmer months. In the cooler months scarves are very popular. Males tend to wear suit jackets with t-shirts. Females are fond of skinny jeans and larger sunglasses. They usually have an office in some place that used to be a loft apartment. Common fields include architecture, internet start ups, and art galleries. They also tend to live in buildings that used to be offices. They often have tattoos but are usually invisible while clothed. 5 o’clock shadows are common amongst the males. They are known to frequent independent films.
Average Number of Children: 0.7
Automobile of choice: Toyota Prius or vintage bicycle
Beverage of choice: Perrier
They tip: 20%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Sushi, Mexican isn't hip enough.
The Rocker Yuppie
This is the hardest type of yuppie to discern because of their similarity to people similar to them with no money. These yuppies tend not to work as much, or are at least very good at making it seem as though they do not work as much. They have a lot of time on their hands and seemingly informal careers evidenced by beers and margaritas at lunches that last more than the usually allotted lunch time and the frequency of body modification. Common careers include tattoo artists, hair stylists, and writers. Tattoos, rock and roll boots, and wallets with chains are common.
Average Number of Children: 0.4
Automobile of choice: Vintage Chevrolet
Beverage of choice: Pabst Blue Ribbon
They tip: 20%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Red Iguana
The Almost Yuppie
These yuppies are just not quite yuppies yet. They are very smart and have limitless potential but usually they are still stuck in college unable to achieve their full yuppie potential, they tend to be act like a yuppie in all areas except the lack of money. Almost yuppies are intelligent, evidenced by good marks in school however they sometimes struggle with emotional problems. They are very politically charged and feel as though they can change the world. Over the top optimism and an inability to hold liquor are common.
Average Number of Children: 0.2
Automobile of choice: Volkswagen Jetta
Beverage of choice: Coca-Cola
They tip: 17.5%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Rubio’s
1. Larry Fitzgerald - Check here, here, here, here,or here to figure out that the national media is at least enamored with Larry Fitzgerald. And honestly for good reason - he is really, really good. His craft is an entertaining one in and of itself, but when someone is performing that craft at a highest level, it is a thing of beauty. It's not really a sports thing - okay it is, but this guy is amazing, to say the least.
2. Kurt Warner coming back from the dead - Ok, obviously he wasn't really dead, but this guy has a totally rejuvenated career for like a 67th time. That's a story line enough.
3. The St. Louis Rams - Remember those fun St. Louis Rams days when he came out of the Arena League and the Greatest Show on Turf won that Super Bowl. Yeah, me too that was awesome and this Cardinal team is almost as entertaining. They have so many weapons and the same, albeit older quarterback pulling the trigger. Offense is much better to watch then defense and any curmudgeon who tells you otherwise is lying.
4. The University of Phoenix Stadium - You might think this is the home field for the University of Phoenix, then you remember that it's the University of Phoenix and you think that as much bad there is to say about the corporatization of sports sometimes it's just funny.
5. Pittsburgh vs Arizona - No not the Steelers vs. the Cardinals, the City of Pittsburgh vs. the City of Phoenix. As I type this it is 79 degrees in Phoenix and it is 20 degrees in Pittsburgh. For those keeping track at home that is like a 59 degree difference. 59 degrees! That is just the tip of the iceberg. I mean are they similar in anyway?
West vs. East
Northeast vs. Southwest
traditonal vs. new
old line steel city vs. emerging metropolis
river city vs. desert city
cheesesteak vs. tacos.
Jeff Goldblum vs. David Spade
Steven Spielberg vs. George A. Romero
(Random note: on the wikpedia page of famous people from the Pittsburgh area there were zero porn stars, on the wikipedia page of famous people from the Phoenix area there were six. I am not judging, I am just saying).
The Steelers impressed me a lot, on both sides of the ball. They kept the Darren Sproles experience in check (on the ground at least). The offense moved the ball, especially on the ground. Willie Parker seems to be back. They just looked good. What really struck me was their ability to answer. I thought they were in trouble after the Bolts scored on that first drive, but they just took a deep breath and got back to work. They didn't allow the Charger run game to get going and they got a few big plays- the punt return by Holmes and a bunch of big runs.
Ravens at Titans
The Ravens on the other hand played a tight game with the Titans. I just love this Baltimore team. The defense is stellar and Joe Flacco is hitting enough throws to put them in the position to win the game. Who would have thought a Blue Hen would win two (two!) playoff games. The only thing that scares me was the fact the fact that Tennessee left points (and possessions for that matter) on the field. They kept shooting themselves in the foot which allowed Baltimore to finish out the game. But the fact remains that they still finished out the game.
Lines current as of 1:30a mst on Sunday January 18th, 2009 and from oddsmaker.com
--Ravens (+6) at Steelers
I want to pick the Steelers, I really do. They are the more complete team. They have a better quarterback, they have a better running back, they have better wide receivers, and they have at least as good of a defense as Baltimore, and they have been there before. But honestly I refuse to bet against this Baltimore team. I can't do it. I can't take my hard earned money and put six (six!) against a Pittsburgh team that doesn't really win big against good teams. They absolutely played well against San Diego, but I totally don't believe this team can win by six against a team that plays as solidly as the Ravens. I don't know if I can trust Joe Flacco, but that is what everyone said the first two weeks. I love the Raven's gameplan against Tennesee, they didn't let the rookie lose the game for them (hell they didn't even let him throw the ball inside their own 40). But when he Flacco had to step up and hit throws he did - against a stellar Titan defense - there is no reason to think he won't keep doing it. The defense will give Concussion Roethilsberger trouble. I don't see him getting going. Willie Parker will get some yards but the Raven defense won't break. It will be higher scoring than some people thing, but it will still be a battle. Baltimore has a "team of destiny" thing going and the more you think about it, the more they remind you of that 2000 team, which for those keeping track at home, won the Super Bowl. Ravens 20 Steelers 18
