Things I hate that everyone likes Volume I: Where the Wild Things Are

Where the Wild Things Are is a 1963 book written by Maurice Sendak. Basically, the book is a picture book about a boy named Max who gets in trouble and has to go to bed without supper. While in his bedroom, he imagines going to a world of strange and ugly creatures and he becomes their leader and then gets homesick and comes back to his room. Recently, it was optioned for a movie, putting this story on the big screen. The book is beloved by everyone.

Let me posit this: MOST OVERRATED BOOK EVER. I know this is sacrilege amongst almost everyone but it sucks. Okay, it doesn’t suck, it just really is overrated. Let me explain, it is not that the book itself is bad. What bothers me is just how much everyone loves it. And it’s not just that they love it, it’s that they fucking love it. People waited in hours in line for the movie premier of a book that has 10 sentences in it. I was at a party the other day where someone was getting a fucking tattoo of Max and the Wild things on his arm. It’s not even that, it’s that everyone was into it. They thought it was cool. Fuck. I need to go punch a wall now.

when it's grey outside

trees aren't as vibrant when it's grey outside

they blend in with power lines, with stoplights, with street signs

the western mountains are lost in hazy clouds and smog

this landscape would be deafening if it weren't so muted

the wind picks up to scatter dust and leaves and memories and newspaper over the beaten down cement

footsteps are harder to discern, harder to remember, harder to acknowledge when the wind blows

sounds echo more loudly in the wind when it's grey outside

they are just harder to understand

Good Idea/Bad Idea Edition 1 - Masturbating at work.

Introducing a new feature called Good Idea/Bad Idea where we break down certain situations that could be a good idea or could be bad idea and ultimately come to a decision about whether it is a good idea or a bad one.

Edition 1: Masturbating at work.

Masturbating is almost always a good idea but you may want to reconsider if you are at work. First off there are logistical concerns. The IT department most certainly would have red flags if you were looking at porn on your computer and magazines are hard to subtly sneak in. Private bathrooms clearly would be the best location but most people do not have access to one and public bathrooms certainly do not provide you with proper privacy. Your office is far too risky because coworkers are certain to need something and closed doors are suspicious. Janitors closets have limited access and all other areas are much too public.

Further red flags include the fact that if you were to get caught you would most certainly run into problems. If a coworker catches you, several things could happen including: them telling the boss, them losing all respect for you, awkwardness in further interaction, possible loss of job, and (or) possible lawsuits. There are similar results should your boss catch you but there is a certainty of a reprimand of some sort.

While it may seem tempting to masturbate at work, the risks ultimately outweigh the payoff and you should not masturbate at work.

Verdict: Bad Idea

Pros: thrill of getting caught could be turn on, you’re masturbating

Cons: could get caught, un-ideal setting, logistical concerns, possible loss of job, possible lawsuits