On Yuppies; an exposé on yuppies in the Salt Lake Valley

A yuppie is a rather clumsy word for a younger person usually in their 20 or 30s who is professionally driven and lives in a major urban center, a "young urban professional." Salt Lake City has evolved itself into an urban environment and along with that urbanity has come with it yuppies. They are generally well intentioned but many times lack the social graces to interact with people other than other yuppies. This can lead you to believe that all yuppies are pompous and arrogant, which is not true. The truth is that most yuppies are pompous and arrogant. Yuppies shouldn't be feared however, they are harmless and are actually a valuable part to any urban center. The most confusing thing about a yuppie is not discerning whether or not they are a yuppie but exactly what time of yuppie you are dealing with. There are several different types of yuppies, each with their own characteristics and features that discern them from other yuppies. The following is a guide to different types of yuppies you may run across around the Salt Lake Valley:

The Mormon Yuppie

A very common yuppie, especially south of 21st South. You will tend to see mostly males in this category as the females are home tending for the children. Should you see one of these in the wild with their mate, you will undoubtedly see the children as well. These children are usually not well behaved and are fond of throwing sugar packets on the ground. The Mormon yuppie tends to work in financial fields such as banking, accounting, or insurance. White collared shirts with red or blue ties are very common, and are almost never seen in patterned shirts. The Mormon yuppie tends to look down on most people but is polite about it because they are very non-confrontational.

Average Number of Children: 3.7
Automobile of choice: Ford Expedition

Beverage of choice: Diet Coke
They tip: 12%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Cafe Rio

The Dorky Yuppie

The Dorky Yuppie is the kindest of the yuppies. There is less disdain for people below them than most yuppies but this is counterbalanced with unwaveringly bad social skills. They have not fit in to their surroundings for sometime but usually have skills that other people value. Jobs these yuppies have include information systems and medical technology. Golf shirts with khakis are common, as are Gap jeans. Dress is informal and modest, but watch out for "Hawaiian Shirt Friday."

Average Number of Children: 1.8
Automobile of choice: Toyota Corolla

Beverage of choice: flavored lemonade
They tip: 18%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Costa Vida

The Traditional Yuppie

This yuppie is very common. They usually have a high level of education. They are actually very adept at social interaction, especially with other yuppies but they also have the smoothest interactions with other non-yuppies. Although not universally true, they tend to be fans of good food and wine. Often occupy something called a “McMansion.” They are prone to usage of nannies and babysitters. Common jobs include doctors, professors, and entrepreneurs. These yuppies are very good at throwing parties, although the parties tend to be unentertaining to all except other traditional yuppies.

Average Number of Children: 2.1
Automobile of choice: Subaru Outback

Beverage of choice: Pinot Grigio
They tip: 25%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Barbacoa

The Skier Yuppie

The skier yuppie, also known as the Snowbird yuppie is a yuppie who thrives in winter conditions but is often not seen in the valley. They seem to be enamored with something called a “Bluebird Day.” Skiing is the preferred pastime although some outliers prefer snowboarding. Skiing also dominates conversation after skiing. Beards are preferred by the males. Most have some sort of goggle tan, also called “raccoon eyes.” Careers are harder to discern among skier yuppies because they are so often observed away from work. Suspiciously hibernating during the warmer seasons.

Average Number of Children: 1.8
Automobile of choice: Toyota 4Runner

Beverage of Choice: microbrews
They tip: 18%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Lonestar Taqueria

The Hip Yuppie

This yuppie is very thin and usually has an equally thin partner. They are commonly seen on scooters in the warmer months. In the cooler months scarves are very popular. Males tend to wear suit jackets with t-shirts. Females are fond of skinny jeans and larger sunglasses. They usually have an office in some place that used to be a loft apartment. Common fields include architecture, internet start ups, and art galleries. They also tend to live in buildings that used to be offices. They often have tattoos but are usually invisible while clothed. 5 o’clock shadows are common amongst the males. They are known to frequent independent films.

Average Number of Children: 0.7
Automobile of choice: Toyota Prius or vintage bicycle

Beverage of choice: Perrier
They tip: 20%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Sushi, Mexican isn't hip enough.

The Rocker Yuppie

This is the hardest type of yuppie to discern because of their similarity to people similar to them with no money. These yuppies tend not to work as much, or are at least very good at making it seem as though they do not work as much. They have a lot of time on their hands and seemingly informal careers evidenced by beers and margaritas at lunches that last more than the usually allotted lunch time and the frequency of body modification. Common careers include tattoo artists, hair stylists, and writers. Tattoos, rock and roll boots, and wallets with chains are common.

Average Number of Children: 0.4
Automobile of choice: Vintage Chevrolet

Beverage of choice: Pabst Blue Ribbon
They tip: 20%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Red Iguana

The Almost Yuppie

These yuppies are just not quite yuppies yet. They are very smart and have limitless potential but usually they are still stuck in college unable to achieve their full yuppie potential, they tend to be act like a yuppie in all areas except the lack of money. Almost yuppies are intelligent, evidenced by good marks in school however they sometimes struggle with emotional problems. They are very politically charged and feel as though they can change the world. Over the top optimism and an inability to hold liquor are common.

Average Number of Children: 0.2
Automobile of choice: Volkswagen Jetta

Beverage of choice: Coca-Cola
They tip: 17.5%
Mexican restaurant frequented for lunch: Rubio’s